Monthly Archives: November 2002

NaNo Reflections

It’s snowing again. Wet, messy snow that’s sticking to cars and sidewalks. The roads are wet, and I can hear the sticky hiss of tires on Sherbrooke street.

Ladled up from Ceridwen’s Cauldron:

She told me that after the first day she had gone to friends’ blogs to find out how the first day had gone. She was disappointed with the result. Sure, some of us had posted word counts, but that’s no indication of how the day actually went.

It was an awkward time of day to call people, I didn’t want to e-mail anyone and put them on the spot, so I surfed web logs instead, and no one had really said anything. I mentioned this to Ceri in passing, and now that she has blogged about how she felt on her first couple of days of NaNoWriMo, I figure that I should, as well. She credits me with the stimulus to talk about the first day or so, after all, so unless I wish to be subject to tomato-throwing fans, it’s only fair that I do so, too.

It was good. It was comfortable, and I felt like I was accomplishing something. I didn’t clock-watch; I wrote what I needed to and just let new things unfold, as if I was reading someone else’s story. It can be tidied up later. Better words can be carefully chosen some other time. I haven’t really reread it all from beginning to now, but I’m fairly certain it flows.

Not that it matters. This is about hitting a quota, of discipling yourself to sit down daily to do something, and, of course, to say at the end, “I have a big gloriously messy novel” and then say, “neener, neener” to anyone who asks to read it.

I mentioned to a few friends that I wouldn’t be comparing word counts; this project is for me, it’s not a competition. When I went to post my word count the first time on the official site, though, I wandered around a bit and looked, because I was curious. I didn’t want to beat myself up, I certainly didn’t want to gloat… I was just interested in seeing how others’ works were unfolding. Yesterday I discovered that three people claimed to have hit 50,000 words already, and that one actually claimed to have reached something like 999,999. In three days. Right. I went back this morning to check it out again, and found that the individual in question has been removed. Good to know the organisers thought it as unlikely as I did.

This leaves two people who have achieved their goal already, one of whom joined on November 3 itself. Which would mean s/he likely registered after she wrote the novel, because I checked late morning on the 3rd, and s/he’s in Virginia, so the pretext of a vastly different time zone can’t even be used. What gets me is that the word-count programs don’t go on-line until November 15th, so these counts and claims can’t be verified until then, which gives anyone claiming to be finished the morning they joined a two-week buffer to actually hit his or her count.

No, I don’t care. It doesn’t affect me. What bothers me is the idea that some people don’t care about the rules. I have no way of verifying if this person has a novel or not; s/he just might, and that would be great. If s/he doesn’t, then s/he’s just cheated him/herself.

Back to me, though.

I love writing, and I love being able to write. The two days I’ve sat down and written for three or four hours straight have been terrific. As Ceri says, I felt like a “real writer”. I feel like that already, though. I don’t need (another) novel, finished or in progress, to prove that to me.

However… this is the first novel I’ve written where I actually feel like I might be able to do something with it afterwards. I have a context imposed upon me from the outside, so I won’t be too sprawling. I feel more focused in my efforts. The Great Canadian Novel feels similar; I’m focused, not reaching out wildly on tangents, but I’m letting it unfold as it wills, too. I think the difference lies within the knowledge that there’s an ultimate word count goal, so I’m just letting the NaNo novel run on. I don’t really edit myself in the GCN, either, but there’s still a difference, and I can’t quite put my finger on it. The GCN is more complex, but I’m assuming that comes from the less-frantic approach. The GCN has time to breathe. I do write primarily for myself, but in the back of my mind I’ve been thinking about attempting publication sometime in the future; I just need a likely manuscript to sacrifice. The NaNo script will likely be that sacrifice, since the GCN is too precious. I’ll cut my teeth on the NaNo novel, and then we’ll see how things have gone before I go leaping into the publishing fray with the GCN. Publication is not validation, not by a long shot. If you have a finished novel, though, why not try? The worst they can say is “No”. (Which is plenty crushing for any author, thanks very much.)

I won’t be writing as much as I’d like to be today, because my fellow professor e-mailed me to remind me that I had volunteered to teach two-thirds of the class tonight. I had agreed do it last week, and then in the next seven days my free time sank spectacularly in Kingston television performances, rituals, teaching, NaNo writing, and crisis-handling. This leaves me today to finish reading two books and to prepare a seminar on them. In addition, with all this snow, I have a sneaky suspicion that my husband will be home by early afternoon. Now, if only I could work those books and seminar into the NaNoWriMo novel somehow…

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The Montreal Pagan community is an odd beast. It eats its young, and displays apathy in most respects except griping and back-biting and, well, being apathetic. Coming into the community at a time where knives were still being sharpened, grudges were being held, and politics were raging, I decided I wanted nothing to do with it and stayed a solitary practitioner until such time as I slowly started to talk to others of like mind, and then, well, it was teaching and working in the local esoteric shop, and opening Canada’s first drop-in Pagan resource centre, teaching, doing interviews on radio and with journalists, more teaching… and somehow, like it or not, I was a public figure, although not of the community. Like others who had no time or patience for histrionics and back-stabbing, I shared with personal friends and kept myself to myself. I dipped a toe into the community with the resource centre, but the commnity bit back so savagely that I withdrew. When generousity of energy and effort is rebuffed so often, you learn your lesson. (Fortunately, the centre still functions, due to the enthusiasm of several volunteers, whom I pray do not burn out community-wise, as I did.) So I kept myself to myself.

Until yesterday.

Yesterday was one of those odd coincidences that you can’t wriggle out of. I make it a point to tell as many people as I can about the city’s public rituals so they can get an idea of a variety of traditions and meet other people involved in this path. So when I told my students two weeks ago, they became quite excited, until we realised that our weekly class would overlap with the ritual. “Oh, well,” I said, “never mind. Sorry.”

And then one of them said, “Well, couldn’t we all go together? Like a field trip? We can come to class an hour early, and finish an hour early so we could go.”

“Yes, yes!” the others cried, excited. “We’ve never been to a ritual!”

Uh-oh. These men and women were now looking to me, their teacher, to lead them into a public ritual and share the experience.

Gulp.

I’ve led many a ritual, public, private, you name it. I’ve attended many aritual, here, elsewhere. I teach a Designing Rituals class. The irony of it is that I’ve never actually attended a specific Montreal Pagan community open public ritual.

So off we went yesterday, the first time for everyone. And it was a wonderful experience. I was unaware, and subsequently delighted to discover, that one of my past students was playing a key part in the ritual (her first such performance), and I was bursting with pride for her. My current students were nervous, but they enjoyed themselves immensely – so much, in fact, that I think we’ll start making this a regular outing.

I must also extend a huge thank-you to the core people who were involved in producing yesterday’s ritual, especially my personal friends. Your efforts were truly appreciated. So was the welcoming attitude displayed by those same people who had been in the community way back when I first sent out tentative feelers, about seven years ago. They recognised me, and they welcomed me. I’m not quite sure what I expected; after rebuff and nasty comments in general from the community for the projects I was involved in, I was a bit timid. All fears have been allayed, now, however.

So you see, yesterday was quite the series of achievements.

And then I wrote a few NaNoWriMo pages, and we had dinner, and we watched some old Muppet Show episodes, and we went to another Hallowe’en party. So all in all, it was a pretty amazing day. Except for the fact that Buffy was a repeat already, alas…

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5,312 words.

One-tenth of the way there. Twenty pages. Five hours. A chapter and a bit.

I’m fairly certain that there’s no way I can keep this up, as easy as this seemed. It’s too good to be true.

Yawn. Good night.

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(Ssssh� don�t look now� but it�s snowing.)

It�s November. Start your engines! Let’s see… 50,000 words divided by thirty days is 1,667 words per day, or approximately 6 double-spaced pages, or 3 1/2 single-spaced pages. Ha! My problem as I lay awake last night was that I couldn’t remember of it was six single-spaced pages, or double-spaced. I’m fine. Three to four single-spaced pages daily? That’s a slow day for me. I am feeling much more confident about this project now.

I forgot to say �white rabbits� this morning, so heaven only knows what I�ve done to myself. Good thing I�m not a superstitious person.

Last night�s live TV studio performance of The True Story of Dracula on COGECO 13 in Kingston by the Midnight Players went brilliantly, if I may say so myself. I saw the opening prologue, which is just me doing a trance-like monologue with our eerie violinist and smoke from the smoke machine, and it was fantastic. In fact, I have been informed that if we ever do a Buffy thing for fun, I get to play Drusilla. Yep, spooky and trance-like; I’ve got it down pat. We have all been promised copies of this tape within the next two weeks, and I can�t wait to see the rest of it. I did have the fortune to catch a bit of JDH�s interview in his folklorist persona, which comes right after my trance prologue, and he looks slightly crazed and very intense as he talks about Vlad. His use of his hands in the clip was fantastic, and those shadows created by the lighting from beneath� brr! I saw it live, but seeing it on tape is a completely different cauldron of apples.

It was an odd experience, actually. I�ve done live theatre; I�ve done film work; I�ve live done radio work. This was a strange amalgamation of the three, and at times it was hard to figure out where to aim: Am I acting? Am I reading a script? How much am I allowed to move? Where do I look? Evidently I did just fine. I looked fantastic, I sounded fantastic, and if they ask us back for a Christmas special, I�m there! (With a few differences � like times get confirmed with us, and we know weeks in advance that we need to come up with our own costumes, and so forth…)