Today�s horoscope:

Today you don’t have to keep up with the frenetic pace of the world, dear Cancer. You might feel like thinking about how you take care of yourself; what you eat, and your day to day lifestyle. Are you a healthy eater? Do you get any exercise? Are you concerned about the quality of your daily life? It’s better to be safe than sorry. By the way, when was the last time you had a check-up?

When the universe gangs up on you…

This is highly ironic considering that I will be taking time off this summer due to health concerns. See, I haven’t really had a break in, well, eleven years, I guess, since I started working and doing that university thing. I’ve been working in bookstores since that first day back in May 1991 when I was hired at my very first official job (I’ve only held three different jobs in the field since then) , and I did two degrees back to back at university, finishing two years ago and not really ever stopping to look at where I was or what I needed to do next. The longest period I’ve had off is two weeks, to get married and go to Scotland, which ended up being more stressful than working (although more fun).

So yes, I promised my employer and my mother that I’d see a doctor. My back is pretty bad. I’ve been having anxiety attacks again, which I thought I’d licked over eight years ago. This dizziness comes and goes, as do the migraines. Time off to de-stress is something I’ve always dismissed as being really selfish – after all, there are scads of people world-wide whose lives are much worse than mine who don’t get a vacation option. In the end, though, I’ve concluded after a couple of really bad weeks that if I run myself into the ground I’m just stupid, not heroic or strong, and if I break myself I’ll be a lot harder to fix than if I take myself off-line for maintenance.

My employer calls it burnout, and thinks no less of me for taking time off. In fact, I think she’s proud of me for accepting the option she offered me. Things still need to be finalised, but it looks like with less work, no orchestra as of the concert on July 1, and no plays… I might just have the time and space to decompress for the first time since I became an adult.

Which is scary in and of itself. Who will I be on the other side?