Category Archives: Weather, Seasons, & Celebrations

As Good As

As I sat down in my desk chair after lunch, I noticed something. My chair was facing the window, because I had turned it to reach something before standing up. Sitting in it, I observed that facing east in the middle of the room instead of south staring at a wall felt good. Really good, in fact.

And then I remembered that when cabin fever struck at any time of year, I used to move furniture around. We haven’t done that in this apartment very much, mainly because the location of windows, closets, and heaters really limits furniture placement.

So I’ve just spent the last hour swinging the desk around to jut out from the wall, played with all the finicky wires and cables that connect me to that wall and the rest of the world, and I now have a different perspective. (As regards physical location, anyhow.) A change is as good as rest, as the aphorism says, and even though we all know that isn’t absolutely true it does help somewhat.

The office certainly won’t stay exactly like this. It needs better arrangement, for one, and careful proper rerouting of cables for another. HRH’s computer isn’t currently connected to the internet because this end of the ethernet cable doesn’t reach the router’s new position, but I think that can be fixed by feeding more cable up from the basement. I have less floor space overall, but as all I’ve been doing in here lately is sitting and working at the desk that’s not much of a loss. I may move it back later; I may make this floorplan more permanent. Who knows? But it feels good to sit here like this right now, and so I’m happier.

Battered

At least once a day Liam does something that hurts me enough to make me yelp at him. Some days it’s hitting my forehead with the corner of a wooden train as he whips around quickly. Others, it’s one of his booted feet stomping down with all his weight on my tarsals. Whatever he does usually leaves a bruise or a welt or a scrape. He doesn’t do it on purpose; it’s just collateral damage inflicted by a very enthusiastic twenty month old boy. It can be hard to remember that, however, when one is tired and cranky and short on patience.

Early this morning, he grabbed lightning-fast at the fresh hot cup of tea I held in my hand, which spilled down the neck of my sweater and left a burn line down my breastbone to my stomach. I put cold compresses on it and massaged in some lavender oil, but the red line remains. It’s not a severe burn or anything; still, it’s enough to twinge when my pullover rubs against it.

I know it wasn’t intentional. Nonetheless, after the first aid I had to go sit in another room by myself for a while and do some breathing exercises in order to calm down, and when Liam came charging in right away to see what I was doing I asked HRH to take him away to play somewhere else for a few minutes.

I need down time. I just never seem to get it, because there’s always something I have to be doing when Liam is with his caregiver or his grandma for a day. Any time winter wants to leave town would be fine, too, because it’s not helping.

I never did get a cup of tea this morning. I will go remedy that right now.

Imbolc Blessings

A full moon last night, or more accurately this morning, at 12:45.

I love the images of Imbolc: White pillar candle in a silver bowl of snow. Berries in the offering bowl. Brid’s crosses, half-woven by candlelight.

Imbolc for me is about ten days of honoring. A few years ago I realised that the actual second of February doesn’t resonate with me as much as the days following it. Like other sabbats, the changing energy that the festival honours doesn’t happen all at once on a single day; energy is in constant motion, of course, and the sabbat is a day set aside to observe that ongoing change and to examine how one is responding to it. There are very few sabbats for which I can do this in a single day, however, and so the day of the sabbat often represents the beginning of ten or so days of introspection and reconnection.

We did our Imbolc ritual after Liam’s dinner. He watched me scoop freshly fallen snow up in the silver bowl and put it on the altar, then place the candle in the centre of it and put the bowl of berries next to it as an offering. We lit it and talked to him about how even though it was very very cold and snowy, the earth was already thinking about spring deep inside. “Candle,” he said, pointing to it, so we talked about the importance of light and warm hearths in the home too, and how Brid helps us make our home a loving one. Then he decided he wanted berries, so we went back into the kitchen and he ate most of what was left over. The last one he held in his hand and thought hard. “Do you want to give that to the Goddess?” I said. He nodded and ran into the living room to stand in front of the altar, reaching his hand up as high as it would go. I lifted him up, and he pointed to the goddess statue we have. “Lady!” he said, and put the berry in the curve of her arms. He’s a natural.

I have some very welcome meditation and honouring planned during this upcoming week. And I’ll be making my Brid’s crosses again, once I find appropriate material. I have to check to see if the corn husks I saved and dried will work properly. I think they will, once I soak them a bit to make them pliable.

And as my contribution to this year’s Imbolc poetry web, this poem about light returning:

A Winter Dawn

Above the marge of night a star still shines,
And on the frosty hills the sombre pines
Harbor an eerie wind that crooneth low
Over the glimmering wastes of virgin snow.

Through the pale arch of orient the morn
Comes in a milk-white splendor newly-born,
A sword of crimson cuts in twain the gray
Banners of shadow hosts, and lo, the day!

~ Lucy Maud Montgomery, 1899

(Editor’s note: For some reason this didn’t publish last Friday night, and as this is the first chance I’ve had to sit down since then I didn’t notice until now. Fixed.)

Meandering

Winter decided to catch up all in one day and gave us around 25 cm of snow. We now have piles of snow at the end of the driveway higher than my head. The cold finally caught up to us as well, and this morning’s temperature was a nippy -23 C, or -32 C with windchill. Shovelling the snow on Monday, as tiring as it was, felt right. Psychologically, everything was back in the correct place. The light is so much brighter outside too, what with the sun reflecting off the snow. And despite everyone getting up earlier on purpose, it’s taking longer to get Liam out the door on his daycare days now that the cold and snow are here. Hello, winter; I can honestly say that yes, I have missed you, but don’t overdo it.

Mailbox joy: I received my delivery cheque for the book-that-will-likely-not-be-known-as-ESTC. Of course, the majority of it goes to pay taxes. But still, it’s nice to have received it.

I reread Jane Austen’s Persuasion the other day, because I’d (finally) hit my saturation point in Philippa Gregory’s Tudor-era novels, and wanted something very particular. Persuasion was one of my least favourite Austen novels until this reread. Now I think it’s leapfrogged into first place. It’s interesting to see how my tastes change as I grow older, and different things in the story affect me.

I’ve been feeling flopsy and unfocused over the past couple of days. Liam threw his schedule to the winds yesterday and refused to take a nap when he usually does, pushing it back by an hour (which is utterly unlike him). This was moderately stressful for us both since we had a date to spend the afternoon with his godmother, but it all turned out in the end. Good thing, too, because I really needed to be able to sit in a big comfy chair with a mug of good tea and let someone else be the primary eyes on the toddler for a couple of hours. Halfway there I realised that parking would very likely be a nightmare what with the snow everywhere and removal proceeding at the usual sloth-like pace, but after a soul-felt prayer I was relieved to find one side of the street completely snow-free and only one other car parked on it. Very unusual, but very very welcome. I don’t know what I would have done otherwise; probably turned around and gone home feeling even more miserable and stressed.

I bought HRH his early birthday present this weekend, and he picked it up yesterday. Before the server crashed he’d hit tenth level on a new character and had done a bunch of exploring.

Right. I must find something to eat, despite my lack of enthusiasm for the project, and then I should work.

Huge Weekend

Lots and lots of stuff happened this weekend. Lots. Not as in going-places sort of things, but as in Significant Decisions. And I am very proud and very supportive of everyone who went through the tough decision-making process and arrived at a conclusion that was right for them, if not comfortable or easy. You all know who you are. (And yes, I’m counted in there too.)

To otherwise generally recap the weekend:

Awesome band practice. I recorded much of the rehearsal using the minidisc, and wow. I now have an adaptor that may allow me to link it into the sound card, so I’ll be messing about with that and Audacity this afternoon.

Saturday night was the 2007 Capricornucopia extravagana, for which my darling Mousme wrote me a role that was not humungous nor expository in any way, and was in fact comedic. I adore Wodehousian comedy, and to be given lines such as “I am off to go look for a suitable frock in which to end my already frightfully brief existence” was absolutely delicious. Also, I got to scream on stage again. This looks suspiciously like a trend.

There is currently scads of snow coming down outside.

Blah blah 2007 blah

New calendar day, except that we don’t have a new calendar yet because our old one had an extra page for January 2007, and we didn’t see anything we liked last week.

I slept dreadfully last night. I’d had a tiring day, as Liam was on the go every moment, and fully intended to go to sleep early. Had a bath. Read Maeve Binchy’s Whitethorn Woods from cover to cover. Was still wide awake around 1:30 AM, and unpleased about it. It made getting up with Liam this morning lots of no fun.

I had a lovely time during our evening drop-in on the 30th; perhaps we will make it an annual thing. I had the opportunity to talk with people I hadn’t really spoken with in, erm, months (I swear it was June just a day ago, I swear), and Liam got to rampage about with Arthur and Devon. The pirate ship was a huge hit among adults and children alike. In speaking with sandman7, I realised that all the events in my life which are supposed to be enjoyable, supportive of the self, or social are work, except for orchestra. This was a huge breakthrough, and further firms my decisions to shed certain responsibilites and positions.

The temperature is stupid. HRH looked out the back door this morning and said, “All my lovely snow is going away. I worked hard for that snow, damn it.”

We went over to my in-laws’ place yesterday for a couple of hours, and they sent us home with a prime rib roast to cook for New Year’s Day dinner. So now you all know what I’m having tonight. And Yorkshire pudding, too.

I don’t make resolutions, but these are some wishes I have for 2007:

– Less self-inflicted head trauma for Liam. In the past three days, he has tripped and whacked three different parts of his head. He’s developing an impressive black eye as a result of not looking where he was going and falling into the heater in his room this morning.

– To regain some sort of interest in food. Food in general, really, but specifically the eating of it.

– The re-initialising of enjoying being with people. I’m trapped between wanting to be out of the house but not wanting to leave, because whenever I do I’m on my way out to do something that has become work and not fun. I’ve never been a people-person, and I’m becoming even less of one because of an aggregate of people-associated irritations (no, nothing specific, just people, argh, you know?).

– Spending more time with certain people. Over the past year I’ve discovered that talking with two particular people either stimulates my mind or makes me relax, and I want to spend more time with these individuals. One I’ve known forever, and the other is still a relatively recent discovery from the past couple of years. (One of them recently said, “So, how are you?” and actually meant it. I can’t remember the last time someone asked me that and meant it, instead of in a light conversational fashion or a general non-specific you-should-take-care-of-yourself address.)

– For the emotional burnout to stop. I’m a listener by nature. People share their fears and frustrations and challenges with me because it makes them feel better to get it off their chest, and this past year has seen it draining me beyond what I can handle. No matter how much I shield and purify, it wears me down. It’s not personal, and it’s not that I want the friends-aspect of it to stop; I just need to take a step back and rebuild my own energy so that I can deal with it properly.

– Rediscover the joy in music in general, and classical music in particular. I have an excellent CD collection, over half of which is classical. Over the past year I’ve been looking at it listlessly and feeling as if there’s nothing I want to listen to, which is ridiculous. I’m toying with the idea of systematically listening to at least one CD from my collection every day, starting with the first one in the top shelf and working my way through the collection. And this wish leads to:

– Rediscovering the joy in playing the cello. I would love to start playing in a classical quartet, with a real coach. I met a Canadian composer last week who asked if I played weddings, and I just laughed. But it made me think. Why not? I’d have to pull up my socks and knuckle down, but it would give me a reason to work on my music more. I am lazy when it comes to practicing, because I can get away with not doing a lot of it. But I always do wonder how much better I could be if I practised even more than the couple of hours a week that I do now. Also, sandman7 suggested that we get together and play just for fun, which is a lovely idea.

Look at that; no wishes about writing and/or career. Things are pretty okay there. Sure, I wish my fiction would take off the way my non-fic has, but there’s time aplenty for all that.