Today, the world is a little dimmer as one of its feline lights leaves us. It’s not my news to share, but the call telling me about it affected me deeply yesterday, and affects me more than it might have at any other time of the year.
Sunday marked the first year anniversary of Maggie’s death. And I don’t really know what to say other than I still miss her very much, and I am still unexpectedly reminded of her and tear up. A couple of months ago I heard a sound in the kitchen while I was working, a kind of rusty strangled meow-like sound, and in the back of my brain I identified it as one of the cats. Then my subconscious kind of poked me and said, “Well, yes, except the cat that made that particular sound you heard for seventeen years is no longer with us.” And I burst into tears, and e-mailed Ceri a garbled note that essentially said, “I still miss her so much.”
Cricket has taken to sleeping between HRH and I, something that Maggie used to do now and again, and when we watch TV next to one another she jumps up onto the chesterfield and snuggles between us. In both she reminds me of Maggie. Not that she’s doing exactly what Maggie used to do; it’s more like she’s joining us in the same activities Maggie used to accompany us in as well, sharing space and time that Maggie used to share, somehow bringing her into what it is we’re doing.
Liam still talks about her all the time. Up until a couple of months ago he was still telling random people that Maggie had died, and that Gryffindor was our new cat.
They leave us, but they don’t. There’s a Maggie-shaped hole in my heart, but her memory curls up there and is with me always.
And this isn’t anything like I wanted to write, but I can’t get the words out properly in any way that makes sense.
And now you’ve got me crying over all the cats I have known and loved and who aren’t with me any more, most recently my dear Kylie.
xox
Another kitty gone? Damn. Anyone I know?
*hugs*
I miss Maggie too. She was a big help during our writing jams, and it’s just not the same without her.
Yes, unfortunately it is a kitty you know. Go hug all your cats and kiss them lots between their ears.
Not more than a month ago, I found myself sitting in my bedroom, unexpectledly crying because Jake is gone. It’s been nearly two years – but just the thought of him had me floored. And yes, every time I hear of someone losing a companion this way, I think of him.
They leave us, but they are never truly gone. It feels like a horrible cliche to say that, but it’s true.
I still have the habit of looking around for her when cat sitting or Liam sitting. She’ll always be missed.