Category Archives: Music

Calm

I just had a wonderfully relaxing evening out at a concert presented by voice students, including the self-possessed and talented sandman7. It was so nice to sit in the company of friends and listen to someone else make music. And I really needed it after a day like the one I’ve had.

Now all nice and relaxed, I get to do a bit more packing for our trip to Oakville, then sleep well (please, universe? just for a change?), finish up tomorrow morning, and away we’ll go. I haven’t seen my grandmother in years, and Liam has never met her. It’s going to be a really special weekend.

Be good while I’m gone. (Yes, Nix, I’m talking to you. I know you turn the computer on to surf LOLcats and New Scientist while I’m out.)

Twenty-Four Months, AKA Two Years Old!

Two years makes for a big, big change. (Okay, twenty-three months in the case of this picture. But what’s a month when you’re looking at two years? All I can say is that he was much smaller and thinner than this when he was born.)

HRH and I were talking about two years ago the other day, and how insane that first month was. “I don’t remember work,” HRH said, and I said, “I think I must have been kind of dazed and moving through life in a Zen way.” That’s the only way I can imagine living through going through morning rush hour traffic to the hospital, seeing the boy for ten to twenty minutes, driving to drop HRH off at work, driving home, writing insane amounts of the GW book to meet the slightly revised deadline, unpacking from the move two weeks prior, driving back to get HRH, driving through rush hour traffic to the hospital to spend half an hour with the boy, then driving home again. Zen. Doing what we had to do and rolling with it, because to fight it would use up precious energy we were channeling into a very small person to keep him alive. We just did what we had to do. We rolled with things. “I remember telling people not to call after dinner,” said HRH, “because every time the phone rang we jumped, thinking it was the hospital telling us something was wrong with the baby.” Sure, there were one or two times when things went off the rails — like one morning when we couldn’t hold him because they were moving his IV, and when we went back that night I asked someone to take him out of the neonatal isolette for me and a nurse snapped that it was too close to his feeding time and she wouldn’t do it, so I went out into the hallway and cried because all I wanted to do was hold him once that day (thank goodness for other nurses seeing what happened and firmly escorting the snappy nurse into the next room to tell her that they do not make stressed and strung-out mothers cry when they freaking commute in through an hour and a half of traffic not once but twice to see the child in the neonatal unit that they’re not allowed to bring home, and then returning to take my son out of the isolette and handing him to me).

It’s hard to remember that time of our lives when we look at the boy now. Now he’s taller and slightly heavier than most kids his age (34.75 inches and 30 lbs the doctor has just told us). He runs. He falls. He climbs. He turns somersaults. He reads. He laughs like a loon. He eats a startling amount for a toddler. He talks to us about everything. He wears size 7 shoes, size 5 diapers, and 2T pants with 3T tops. He’s sleeping for ten to eleven hours at night, with a two-hour nap after lunch every day. Still no sign of the two-year-old molars. They finally stopped moving and making him cranky a few weeks ago, so we’re trying to enjoy the respite as much as possible before they start growing again.

Developmentally, we’re told that “At this age, your child should be putting two words together (‘Go car?’) and following two-step commands (‘Get your sweater and come to the car’). She also should be learning more words every day and naming some pictures in books.” Liam was doing this months ago (the latter a year ago, in fact), so we’re officially throwing the guidebooks away (not that I’ve paid much attention to them for the last year anyway). “Dada pancake all gone,” he said when HRH polished off the last bite of his breakfast on Saturday. “No no Maggie, no eat balloons,” he said to Margaret today when she tried to chew on the trailing ribbons dangling from the foil helium birthday balloons. “No eat Liam’s balloons,” he clarified, just in case she was unclear on why snacking thusly was wrong. Sometimes he uses a possessive, but it’s rare. This morning he said “I do it” when I showed him how to erase the magnetic doodle board Arthur gave him as a birthday gift. “Liam’s turn,” he will say when he decides he wants something I’m using. We told him could take one of his new cars to bed with him tonight and he tried to pick up the truck with all the cars loaded on it. I can’t argue with how clever it was, but bringing the whole unit to bed was unthinkable so we clarified one of the small cars from the set. “All of them, all of them,” he pleaded. “Tea all gone,” he told me this morning when he finished his cambric tea. “Mama drink tea, Miran drink tea. More tea?”

Concepts he’s grasping include later, after, other one, and another one. If he asks for a cracker and I give him one, he says, “Another one?” because he likes having one in each hand. He’s using the term ‘making’ instead of ‘doing’ sometimes, which is interesting.

New words: look (he used ‘see’ up till last week), bumblebee (instead of simply ‘bee’), Spiderman. And this is a good a time as any to phase out the new words portion of the monthly Liam-post because it’s new phrases now more than new words. Although we’re continually astonished at how easily he echoes a new word we say for him. (Except for: “Liam, can you say ‘precocious’?” Pause, then: “No.”) If he does something he shouldn’t or drops something or breaks something as you ask him what he’s done, he sighs and says “Oh, Liam”. ‘Uh-oh’ has evolved to ‘oh dear’.

His current favourite movie: Toy Story 2. I get a sweet hug from him every time Jessie hugs someone in the movie. “Jessie hug,” he says tenderly, and puts his arms around my neck and rests his head on my shoulder for a few wonderful moments before he turns back to watch the film.

His current favourite books: On the Day You Were Born by Debra Frasier (known as the “Liam dancing!” book), plus his older favourites like The Patchwork Cat, Mog and the Baby, Moonbeam on a Cat’s Ear are still going strong. There are several new books he received as birthday gifts that we are certain are destined to become favourites too. He can already recite much of Up Down and Around, the book on working in a vegetable garden that my parents sent to him for his birthday, when we read it.

His current favourite music: He seems very fond of the Rankin Family when he hears them on the radio and will dance immediately, commanding me to dance too. When the music changes to something else he looks at the radio and says, “More dancing!”. I put on a Rankin Family CD for him one day when he looked sad because the song was over, and he had a blast. HRH caught him conducting to Bach’s sixth Brandenburg concerto the other day.

He blew out his Nemo birthday candle in one puff at his party. As proud of him as I was about how cheerful and polite he was with everyone, I think that single action made me happier and I don’t know why. He got to hold the candle and licked the icing off the bottom, then later we caught him smooshing the candle’s base in the frosting in order to lick it off again. I honestly can’t blame him; it was awesome icing. (Next time I double the recipe for the cake, though, I will bake it for the same amount of time a single batch would need. It was delicious, but too dry for my taste.)

Last week he lay on his tummy in the yard and we watched ants for about half an hour, then we discovered a bumblebee checking out all the crevices in Scarlet’s prepped herb bed. “Bumblebee, bumblebee,” he said over and over, crouched down in that toddler way, getting as close to it as I would let him. HRH joined us and explained that some species of bumblebee are burrow-dwellers, and we all learned something new. Liam was mildly put out that we wouldn’t let him touch it, but the memory of touching the daddy-long-legs on the stairs up to the deck was still fresh in our minds. (“Pider! Pider!” “Yes, Liam. Just look.” The hand darted out; the spider squealed and fell to its doom. “Liam — what did you do?” “Poor pider,” he said in a very remorseful voice.)

Last week I walked in after his nap and found him standing up, both hands on the top rail, and one foot hooked over the edge. He looked at me; I looked at him. “Up,” he said. It would seem that the notion of climbing out has now occurred to him. It hasn’t happened in actuality, but we’re preparing for the transition to the bed just in case it has to happen sooner than we think. We’ve got the bed rails; the bedding is en route. A couple of weeks ago he climbed up into his bay window and sat there, too. He’ll try to climb just about anything. Also, he does not walk; he runs. The swings no longer make him nervous (and I still have no idea what happened to change his joy in swinging to anxiety; no one does).

There’s an odd sort of double reality happening. In one life, we’re moseying along living side by side with our easy-going toddler. In the other, we’re racing to catch up, to think ahead, and come up with things to challenge or entertain him. It’s no wonder we’re tired: keeping up with him mentally is a challenge, quite apart from running around with a quicksilver toddler who weighs almost a third of what I do.

Nine-Thirty? It Feels Like Three In The Afternoon

It occurred to me as I pulled into the driveway last night that I should assign myself lines to write. Something along the idea of, I will not listen to ‘Jack Sparrow’ with volume set at 22 while driving through construction zones at night on the way home from orchestra. A hundred times or so.

Slept horribly again, and Liam is fractious. So naturally, HRH was called in to replace someone at work today. We made pancakes together after he left; Liam stirred. There is currently a movie playing, because I am weak of will this morning and can’t keep up with him, and I have things to do.

There are a pile of things to do before Sunday. Like figure out what people are eating, find a good cake recipe, find a good frosting recipe (which is even more important, and no, I’ve never found one I’m completely happy with)… appropriate wrapping paper would be good, too. Ingredients for whatever I decide to make need to be purchased. I still haven’t found a cake board, and I don’t particularly feel like cutting up one of our good strong moving boxes to make one. I did find a new cake pan, but not as big as I was hoping for. I’ll double the cake batter and make cupcakes as well to be sure to have enough. I had intended to send some over to daycare on Monday on the actual birthday anyhow, along with streamers and balloons and such; might as well be a full batch instead of the half I was thinking of making.

Today I learned how to make my printer print much much faster (yes, it took me a year to find the fast draft mode). I thought I’d figured out how to do manual duplex printing too, but the printer out-thought me. It seems I have to select the option both in the Word print options and the ‘advanced’ printer options for it actually work. Now I have a two-hundred page document to edit that I was hoping would only use one hundred pages, and of course I forgot to paginate it. Yesterday I bought a photo ink cartridge, and discovered only after I’d gotten home that it replaces the black cartridge, not the dangerously-low-on-ink colour cartridge, so I only got another half-dozen photos printed before the regular colour ink gave out entirely.

On the other hand, I picked up an excellent selection of summer tops and two skirts yesterday as well, so I can throw out all the t-shirts that have somehow developed microscopic holes in them. I still don’t own a pair of shorts, which is fine with me.

I wrote eight hundred and something words yesterday. Granted, they were slightly expanded transcription from handwritten notes in a notebook, but it counts. My record sheet tells me that I haven’t put a single word into Swan Sister since early February, which sounds about right. That would be when I had to stop because there was a huge gap between everything I’d plotted and the outlined ending, a gap I didn’t think was as big as it was until I got there and couldn’t see the other side, as I’d expected to.

All right. Into the living room to keep the boy company. I will read with sticky notes and a pencil while he watches Buzz Lightyear, his favourite movie character these days.

Friday

I’m currently polishing the interview to send it out by noon. I have been industrious this morning – the dishwasher has been loaded and turned on, I’ve done a load of laundry, and I finished cleaning out the mp3 doubles on my hard drive. It’s lunch out day, and there are a couple of milestones among the lunch crowd to celebrate as well as books and CDs to pass along/back. But my system’s been collywobbly for the past two days; I’m still not better this morning and I can’t think of a single lunch spot in that area that would be kind to me. It’s been a hard week in a variety of ways, starting with the headaches and anxiety attacks on Monday (the latter making a comeback after a long absence and rooted, I think, in the fact that for the first time in months, I am free to sit down and write fiction again, but have no idea which project of the five in progress to focus on) and not exactly going downhill from there, but certainly not getting any better. At least I’ve had decent sleep the past two nights, which is a refreshing change.

Construction has hit not only my neighbourhood, but every single main artery I take to various places.

I forgot to say “white rabbits” this morning.

And one month till the annual chamber orchestra Canada Day concert!

It’s What You Do Right

… and yikes, do I ever need to work on some of the orchestra stuff. Once again, it’s the Broadway medley giving me grief. I know how the Les Miserables themes go, backwards and forwards. Maybe that’s part of the problem; this is an arrangement, and so it’s not exactly what I remember. Also, key changes from A flat major to F major to E flat major to B flat major to D flat major (probably B flat minor, now that I think about it) back to B flat major to D major to F major again to finally return to and end in A flat major are more than enough to reduce me to a desperate wittering fool. Particularly when it all has to be played in a sprightly, dissonant, or expressive mode.

I just have to play it over and over. And trust myself in the higher registers, as the celli play in the encore we’re working on. It’s hard to feel good about a beautiful piece when you’re massacring it the first time you play it through in rehearsal.

Scott and I were trading reassurances about our musical ears and playing skills yesterday, with support and reality checks from t! thrown in as well, and I thought of the subject again when I read this post from Matociquala this morning:

Book report #42: Richard Restak, MD; Mozart’s Brain and the Fighter Pilot

This is all right for what it is, I guess. I am more interested in the mechanisms of neuroplasticity than self-help books on how to be smarter, but hey, it did give me this little passage:

First, avoid playing over negative scenarios in your mind in which all of your worst fears are realized. As Freud pointed out in 1925 in an insufficiently appreciated paper, “On Negation,” the brain doesn’t deal well with negatives. If you concentrate on ways of avoiding a bad outcome rather than bringing about a good one, your brain will lock onto the negative. As every tennis player knows, the surest way of coming up with a bad serve results from energy wasted on avoiding gaffes rather than concentrating on the intended ace. Concentrate on your ideas and your goals rather than focusing on the bad things that could happen, or on how nervous you’re feeling.

Or in other words, it’s not what you don’t do wrong. It’s what you do right.

It’s what you do right. It’s so easy to say. But it’s hard to look at a piece of writing, or listen to a recording of a musical performance, or look at a drawing, and see what you did right in it, because we look for the errors in order to improve upon them. And that’s not a bad thing. What’s bad and self-destructive is when we can’t see the good things at all, or stress too much about the mistakes. Why do we expect perfection? The only entity who can manage perfection is God, and I’m not at all certain the Divine doesn’t fall short a lot of the time too. Why do we beat ourselves up over what could have been done better instead of celebrating the much larger percentage of what we did right?

It’s ironic, too, that we notice errors more when things are going well, because they jar us out of a sense of security and comfort. And why is it that as soon as you think, “Hey, this is going pretty well”, you trip? How can it be hubris to allow yourself to cautiously appreciate something you are creating?

Did I mention that the gig was fabulous, by the way?

Scratch Pad May 23

1:53:
I don’t know if there’s some sort of odd musical karma happening today, but when I set my entire mp3 collection to play at random while I work this afternoon I certainly didn’t expect to hear this much Random Colour from the April 2006 gig (AKA as the There Is No Fast show). Half an hour ago it was Hazy Shade of Winter; now it’s Insensitive. (Both of which were excellent, I must add.)

1:56:
Followed by the original Rock’n’Roll Radio. Heh. We play it faster. Also, we have a cello, which automatically makes it better.

2:45:
How is it that no matter how often I clean the bathroom, it’s dirty again a day later?

2:53:
And here’s Poor DeeDee from Invisible. Yes, this computer is currently plugged in to a giant music karma wave.

2:56:
Because the lilacs along our back fence were massacred in high summer, there are no blooms at all this year. I miss them terribly. However, every once in a while today, the wind drifts through the house and gifts me with the scent of someone’s sun-warmed lilacs down the street. It’s really lovely. I wandered all over the house tracking it down and opening windows as far as they would go to entice more of it in.

3:45:
And there’s ADE (Invisible’s version, that is). Something’s up, I tell you. I have over 20 GB of music (holy cats, when did THAT happen — I will have to weed it out, because I know there are doubles thanks to the odd crash last winter), over half of it classical and scores… and today I just keep hearing tracks from the April 2006 gig. In three hours I’ve had some solo cello, a track or two of string quartets, a symphony movement, some Enya, a handful of soundtrack pieces, three Rasputina songs, two Tori Amos, an Alice Cooper track, and five or six gig clips. It’s just eerie.

4:00:
Orchestra tonight!