Category Archives: Writing

NaNo 2006 Musings

So last year, I simultaneously had a baby, a book to proof, and a book to finish writing for publication. (Which was not, of course, the plan, as regular readers know.) In defense of sanity, I regretfully declined to participate in the YUL 2005 NaNoWriMo challenge. And since then, I’ve kind of been assuming that of course I’d do it again in 2006. After all, I was previously a winner three years running, finishing on November 20 in two of those years.

At the beginning of this past September, I decided not to do NaNo again. It would just be too much. After all, I had one contracted book, another proposal in with the publisher, and was in negotiation to assume overseeing a series.

Then that proposal, what would have been my next project, was shelved for at least the rest of the year.

ESTC is due Nov 1. And for once, it’s not being rushed into production.

So around the second week of September I thought, well, I might be able to do it, you know?

And then the next morning I gave myself a good smack and said, “Wouldn’t it be nice to write WITH NO DEADLINE for once?”

NaNo did nice things for me in teaching me how I work. It taught me quotas, it taught me cycles, and rhythms. NaNo is fun, for the team aspect, for the satisfaction of watching my numbers climb, for the thrill and smug feeling of passing others and giving them a goal to chase, of finishing if not first then damn close to first among the city. It’s been very gratifying to know I can produce 50K of good fiction in 20 days. But I know now that I can write a full 80K non-fic book for publication in sixty-odd days. And it ends up being a good book, too.

So the nostalgia of it all attracts me.

But being realistic? The thought of physically forcing myself to write for NaNo isn’t fun, because I force myself to write to a deadline as a daily job. I don’t need that kind of shooting myself in the head. I can’t run the risk of making myself hate writing altogether; this is my bread and butter. No thanks.

I think I’m looking forward to November being a month of relaxing writing, for once.

But I reserve the right to change my mind, of course.

In Which She Examines Hurt

You do not have to validate negativity. You do not have to accept it.

t! has an excellent column on Naysayers today. Some of its advice came in very handy for me this afternoon as I dealt with the aftermath of the crap that was thrown at me this morning.

Show this person what his words are doing, how he hurts you with them. How he hurts himself by thinking these thoughts, before he even speaks them.

The hardest thing about today has been dealing with trying to point out that I have been horribly, horribly hurt by someone else’s deliberately thought-out nasty words. Words that were unnecessary, words that I didn’t have to receive; words that I feel were given to me because I wasn’t respected. I don’t know if I managed to get the point across, the point that I was hurt by being the recipient of the strike at someone else through me. Probably not. I made the effort, but I doubt it was understood or even heard over the defense of the action.

And now there’s a huge obstacle between people, all because of these words. I’m sure the person who sent them thought that saying those words would make them feel better; however, all it’s done is make everyone feel worse. And I’ve said words back that define who I am, and what my limits are. That’s the only good that I can see of this whole thing. It doesn’t balance out the bad parts, not even close. My day is ruined; the trust I had in someone else has been damaged; I’m forced to try to work through this by pacing, crying, yelling at walls, writing out my feelings and thoughts, seeking to make some sort of sense of it all, instead of actually doing the work that was scheduled for the day. I thought I wouldn’t be able to sit at the computer at all (hence my earlier statement warning you about not seeing me for a while), but I keep coming back to journal things, some here, some privately. It helps, a bit. I work with words. They mean things to me. They’re how I explore. And perhaps that’s why I’m so utterly crushed when someone I love and trust uses them to do something deliberately hurtful to me.

I am, however, lucky that I can think things through by writing them out. By tonight, I may have reached a place where I can actually do work once the boy’s gone to bed. I know that I’m sick and need my sleep, but I’ve got to get something added to this MS, and I just cannot focus through the storm right now.

But first, I’m going to go wash the kitchen floor, because it’s a task that I hate and I can’t possibly get into a worse mood. And I’ll feel that I accomplished something.

ESTC Update: Only One-Third To Go

Ack! It’s ten to five!

Total word count, ESTC: 33,250
Total words yesterday and today: 1,119

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
33,250 / 50,000
(66.5%)

Two-thirds done. Yay me. (Also, more wibbling and mild panic as I wonder if I have enough room left to write the rest of what I need to write.)

Things are still feeling disjointed, because I’m burrowing through the MS fleshing out point-form notes I left for myself and linking thoughts. I have a feeling that I’m not going to be able to include all the other detailed rituals that I wanted to include. It also looks like meditations will be very short and refer back to a basic procedure, so I can write it all out once and then just include the imagery and so forth for each new meditation, directing people back to the how-to for the structure and process. That will save wordage.

Off to pick up the boy.

ESTC Update

Total word count, ESTC: 32,131
Total words yesterday and today: 1,444

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
32,131 / 50,000
(64.3%)

The week is not getting better. With Liam’s regular homecare person away on vacation, I’ve been recruiting friends to come play with him for a couple of hours while I try to work. Apart from the average daily quota on Wednesday, yesterday was pretty much a failure thanks to Liam being cranky and clingy and spending most of his time hanging over the child gate in my office doorframe crying for me. This morning I discovered that my mother in law wasn’t expecting to watch Liam today, as he’s also going over there tomorrow, and I had a moment of sheer panic wondering if I would get any work done at all this week other than those two hours Wednesday afternoon. She rallied, however, and has taken him for a few hours so that I can get something done. Stricken from the list of things to do today as an unfortunate result were a nap (Liam’s been waking up two to four times throughout the nights recently, and HRH sleeps right through it), and the purchasing of a new ink cartridge for the printer and a pair of jeans that fit. The shower is going to happen, though, come what may.

On top of it all, Liam appears to be showing every classic sign of beginning to teethe again: rashes, excessive drool and the accompanying cough, incessant chewing, the night wakings…. Can we just have some time out, please?

In general, things have been working up to a point where I would like to scream. Perhaps cry, or some sort of similar expression of frustration. My so-called vacation is a mountain of work, and the next weekend trip might not even happen thanks to bad scheduling. I have a wild urge to throw everything I agreed to organise and do back at the people for whom I’m doing it, and telling them all to deal with it themselves.

I did have a nice evening out last night: Pasley and I went to see The Illusionist, which was a beautifully made film. I enjoyed it a lot.

I’ve done a few hundred words today and that’s going to have to be enough, because I have other stuff piling up that’s due this weekend and next week for various commitments, and I have no other time in which to do them. And I have to go pick the boy up early.

ESTC Update

Ugh. Have been having a Bad Week, and a Particularly Bad Day.

Nonetheless:

Total word count, ESTC: 30,687
Total words today: 1,684

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
30,687 / 50,000
(61.4%)

This is completely and totally due to Ceri taking Liam duty for three hours this afternoon. Well, that and the research I did at 4.30 this morning. (The Particularly Bad Day began then, and I had to do something other than lie awake and stare at the ceiling, wishing I was asleep.) I have absolutely no idea how over sixteen hundred words appeared in my manuscript — it occured to me that I may have copied three pages into another chapter instead of cutting and pasting, but I can’t seem to find it — but I’m not going to turn them away. I’m at that point in the book where I’m adding little things all over because the bulk of each chapter is done, and that never feels like I’m writing a large amount.

Orchestra tonight. I’m so tired that I can’t even remember what we’re playing.