Author Archives: Autumn

Loss

I heard today that my parents lost the last pet I’d grown up with. That makes all three within one year.

You have to wonder about the skewed idea of justice that the world has. Last year, it was our female cat Bo’sun, of lung cancer. Last month it was our dog Megan, also of cancer. Yesterday, they put down our cat Grey, of Cushing’s disease. These were animals who were deeply loved, and well-cared for in every sense of the word, who still developed fatal diseases. And everywhere, there are strays and feral dogs and cats, scraping out a living on the streets and in the wild, living to an astonishingly old age.

My parents aren’t completely alone; they brought their new Maine Coon kitten home last week, of course. When I go down at Thanksgiving, though, there won�t be a dog bouncing at the front door when I come in, or a familiar thin hyper-purring cat climbing into my lap when I sit at the kitchen table.

Why do things move so fast? Do you ever get the sense that the world is moving inexorably on, and you’re just standing there, bewildered, not knowing how to keep up? That things are changing, and you don’t know how to make them stop, even just for a little while?

I’m upset about Grey, of course; I’m upset for my parents, too. More than anything else, though, I feel like there’s been a link disrupted to my life as a teenager, when I still lived with my parents. I’ve lived on my own for ten and a half years, but only now do I really feel like I can’t go back in quite the same way. Our family pets have always played huge roles in our lives, and this particular set of three was around for about twelve years. Every time I went to visit my parents, there they were, waiting for me along with my mum and dad. And now, it’s just not going to be the same. At all.

Life goes on, of course, the way it does when anyone you love dies. You adjust. Sometimes, though, when I get really upset about the death of a pet, I wonder why we do it to ourselves; why we bring these little fuzzy things into our homes for a decade and integrate them into our hearts and lives to such an extent if we know they’re only going to go away some day, leaving us lonely and in pain. Of course, you can say the same thing about friends, or lovers, and some people do. They don’t let anyone close, brood over the past betrayals, and end up bitter, lonely individuals. I think, though, that we seek animal companionship for the same reason we reach out over and over to men and women: for love, for warmth, for interaction with another intelligence. To provide care and support; to receive those same things in return, to a varied degree. There have been times I have cried, and my cats have actively sought to comfort me; times I have been very ill, and they have stayed with me. When I am happy, they share that with me as well.

So we do it repeatedly; we open our hearts to these creatures who cannot share our seven to nine decades of life, because even those ten or fifteen precious years count for something. The pain is worth it.

At least, so it seems while you still have the comfort of their warmth and love, and that pain is still only a vague future. When tomorrow becomes today, and you cry, and protest the injustice, the story reads quite differently. And, as always, I wish I could rewrite the ending, so that everyone could live happily ever after.

Eudoxa Joy!

I have now re-strung my cello with a full set of Eudoxa strings, and the wound gut sounds sooooo mellow. I adore it.

There’s just one problem. The silver or aluminium winding is so soft that my bow is having difficulty catching it. I put more rosin on the hair, but it’s still slipping a bit. It will improve as more rosin transfers to the strings as well, but I’m starting to wonder if buying softer rosin might be the way to go. There’s a deliciously dreamy rosin that my old stand partner uses, but it’s about thirty-six dollars a cake, and I just bought a total of a hundred and sixty dollars worth of new strings over the past week. Maybe if I have a really successful workshop this week, I’ll use some of that money and try either Eudoxa rosin (to match the strings, and much less expensive at $12 a cake!) or the Leibenzeller. Rosin does last for years, though, unless you drop it and it shatters. I use Hill light at the moment, and it was fine for the Aricores, but hmmm.

The cello is lying on the floor in the living room at the moment. I wander in and tighten the pegs every half-hour or so. Honestly, they’re losing between three-quarters of and a whole tone every thirty minutes. They really, really need to stretch.

Were You Always This Odd?

Found on Neil Gaiman’s blog (and why the hell haven’t I linked it before?): this question from a fan.

1. When you decided on becoming a Writer, did you have trouble on deciding what type of novels you were going to write, for example you thought that maybe you were a science fiction writer, or a modern fiction writer. Or have all of your stories always been dark and macabre?

Lovely.

Opera: What Do You Mean, I Can’t Use This For Global Takeover?

Downloaded and installed Opera this morning. I found this in the user agreement:

You acknowledge that the software is not intended for use in (1) on-line control of aircraft, air traffic, aircraft navigation or aircraft communications; or (2) in the design, construction, operation or maintenance of any nuclear facility.

Well, gosh. What did I download this for, then?

I don’t know what scares me more: the fact that they feel this warning must be issued, or that (according to recent market percentages) over 90% of people will turn to IE instead, being denied the use of Opera for these particular purposes.

And Lo, The Water Fell

Woke up this morning to a dark, dark sky.

“Maybe it will rain,” I said.

“Maybe,” said my husband. “But I doubt it.”

“Maybe it will rain so you can come home and we can run about downtown this afternoon, assuming the bank unfreezes my account,” I said.

“No,” my husband said morosely. “It’s just going to play with our minds.”

He left for work. I watched the sky for a bit. It really was much too dark to just be overcast.

It raineth. Oh, ye of little faith.