Owls' Court

Interviewed

Monday night silly_imp came over to interview me for the local Pagan journal. This is my first real honest-to-goodness Author Interview (as opposed to a Pagan, Priestess, or Witch Interview which I've been doing for years), and while I didn't worry about it all day, or while we were chatting as she set up, once the recorder was on and the first question was asked, all of a sudden there was a frisson of anxiety down my throat.

And then it vanished, because I've known silly_imp for, um, (quick calculation) perhaps twenty-five years (yikes), and I know she's not going to do the crafty cunning I'm-not-objective interviewer thing that's happened to me before, where the interviewer leads the subject into odd places and trips you up because s/he has An Agenda and is just using you to make his/her own point.

It was a wonderful interview, and so much came out of it. She asked questions I wanted to answer, like why is it a challenge to write an intermediate book (because you can't assume everyone has the same basics and has practiced for the same amount of time, which means you kind of arbitrarily draw a line and decide that's going to be the not-beginner level you'll write to... which means pretty much everyone will be dissatisfied with it because it doesn't match what they consider intermediate), and when did I decide I was a writer (didn't; realised it one day, after ages of always wanting to be one and knowing I was good at it), and what books and authors have influenced me (can you believe I blanked on this one? I had to walk into my office after the interviw and say, "Oh yeah, this one, and this one, and this one too").

And there were the questions about spirituality, but not a lot of them, because I think the article will focus on the writing part. But we talked about living what we believe, and passing the energy on.

I'm looking forward to reading the print version, which will by necessity leave out most of what we talked about. She could probably write three or four different articles from the hour of interview she has on tape. I'm also looking forward to sending it to various family members, and including it in my press packet.

Have You Met This Woman?

She's a remarkable woman. To me she has been a teacher, a co-teacher, a friend, a little sister, a coven-mate, and an inspiration.

She's stubborn. No matter who tries to knock her down, she gets up again and keeps going, because she believes that things can be made better.

And the Montreal Pagan Community would be a poorer place for her absence.

Dark Lilith has created a tribute page to Scarlet Cougar that outlines her many accomplishments, a wonderful and thoughtful gesture. Check it out.

Small Community = Lots Of Friends

The most incredible thing just happened to us.

Someone from the Pagan community showed up on our doorstep with over two hunded and fifty dollars worth of food and household supplies for our family, collected during a Harvest food drive.

We were completely and totally overwhelmed. Yes, things have been hard lately. Yes, HRH has been laid off yet again. Yes, things went a little haywire this summer with the baby pre-empting our carefully planned budget and schedule, and we've never gotten back on track. Yes, things have been especially challenging in the past two weeks, and life's been wearing us down.

We've never thought of ourselves as in need, though. In fact, when a recent announcement was made on a local Pagan e-list about a new permanent box for food donations in the community centre, I thought to myself, I must root something out to bring in next time I'm downtown. We always think of ourselves as being better off than most people. We have food (even if it hasn't been overly abundant lately), and we have shelter, and while money's been very tight, we usually think of ourselves as okay in that department as well.

This gesture, however, made it clear that those around us care about us, even if we're not as poorly off as many, many other folks. Times are hard, and we're under a lot of stress. These people heard about it, and decided to do something for us. "These things get around," said the lovely and generous lady who spearheaded the effort.

And their gesture has taken a load of stress off our shoulders. We have food for weeks. There's even formula for Liam, should it be necessary. They even bought cat food. Now we don't have to worry about when groceries will get done, and where the money will come from. It's such a relief. We never would have asked for this, but now that it's been done for us, we can see how much it's helped our situation.

(Note to aspiring authors: Writing books does not make you money. Just thought you should know.)

And what can we do in return, except to say thank you?

Actually, there's a lot we can do, and we do it already. We watch out for others. We feed them when they're hungry. We give people lifts. We sit down and listen when people need a friendly ear. We're there for them in crisis situations.

What you do comes back to you. And judging from what's come to us today, we are very caring people in our own right. And when we're on our feet once again, we'll be able to pass the gesture on to someone else in need.

So let this stand as proof that the Montreal Pagan community isn't as apathetic as it seems. There are people within it who when they see a need, quietly act to answer it.

To each and every person who was somehow connected with this, whether you read this journal or not: Whether you provided information, or donated a tin of food or fresh fruit or frozen meat, or added a few children's books and clothes to the pile, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts. May the gods bless you tenfold in return for the thoughtfulness and kindness you have shown us today. You have touched us deeply, and we are profoundly grateful.

Desert

We had a coven meeting today, and had our first ritual here in the new house. The summer just isn't an ideal coven time; I think we may institute an official sabbatical during July and August, because vacations and weekend trips and such just end up getting in the way of any sort of scheduled activity. Of course, this summer has been unusual in that we moved and had a baby, which ate up May through July. One imagines all summers will not be like this.

One of our coveners wrote a self-celebration ritual designed to encourage personal pride when she was a dedicant, and it was such a success last year when we did it that the coven decided to make it an annual ritual around the full moon every August. Today was the second time we did this ritual. Part of the ritual entails making a list of ten things you're proud of -- achievements, talents, skills, anything goes. To my complete surprise, I found that list incredibly difficult to make, unlike last year.

But your first book was published this year! the other coven members said. You wrote two more in the last seven months! You had a baby! You're a great teacher! You're a fantastic author of both fiction and non-fiction!

But I don't feel any of that. None of those were accomplishments that I felt belonged on my list of things for which to pat myself on the back.

Working through this block during the ritual showed me a couple of things. First of all, it showed me that I've become so numb to my day to day life that I've forgotten how to appreciate my own talent. Second, it very bluntly illustrated to me that pulling off a miracle a day breeds familiarity and contempt for those miracles. I didn't feel that any of those things were special. I didn't feel that I was special.

Now I look at the list I finally created and think, heck, yeah! I should be proud of all that! But during the exercise itself I felt so listless and dull that nothing seemed to deserve celebration. Writing well? Not me. Not that I can remember. In fact, in my recent experience my writing ability has downright offended me with its poor product. And as for the other items the coven listed for me, it didn't make sense to celebrate things that were commonplace. One might as well put I got out of bed today on the list. (Although one of my coveners pointed out, and quite correctly, that on some days getting out of bed is indeed an accomplishment.) These things aren't remarkable to me any more. I just do them. And that's probably not healthy. If I'm taking myself and my accomplishments and talents for granted, what does that indicate about how everyone else should take them? Now, I know that it's been a really challenging year so far. I've risen to every occasion. I'm tired, and I'm burnt out. But to not be able to marvel at the fact that I have accomplished or can accomplish any of those things is kind of sad.

Overall, I feel kind of dry. Life should be dripping with sweet and flavourful juices. My joy in writing, my excitement at learning new things as I research, the pleasure I usually take in practicing my religion -- everything seems to be in the midst of a drought. HRH and I didn't get to go on our annual spiritual retreat this year like we usually do in August, and this year of all years it would have done us a heap of good. Both of us are feeling rather drained and in a spiritual dry patch. There's been some major changes in how our tradition is being structured, and while it doesn't really change much because we've kind of been running our coven in what's become the new official way all along, it's had a significant impact on how we consider ourselves in the greater scheme of things. Today's meeting and ritual reminded us of how much we enjoy energy work together. I'd like to see us do more ritual than we've been doing. Everyone's been having a slightly odd year. If we can regain momentum, I think we'll all be happier. We're meeting again next Sunday, instead of the Sunday afterwards as we usually do, so that will help.

Liam has developed this odd little quirk where he refuses to sleep during the day. He fights sleep with all his might, ends up overtiring himself with crying and screaming because he's tired, and if he finaly loses the fight and drowses, it's only for five or ten minutes before he jerks himself awake and starts to cry again. He's up from approximately six in the morning till about seven-thirty at night. It wouldn't be so bad if he was good company while he was awake, but he's cranky because -- of course -- he's tired.

So because he wasn't asleep, Liam joined us in ritual today. And he was good for most of it, too. We made a list of accomplishments for Liam, and congratulated him accordingly. I dated it, and it will go in his scrapbook as Liam's First Ritual. While in circle, he watched things that we couldn't see, like the cats do. And I'm incredibly proud of all my coveners for holding their grounding and handling energy smoothly even when he got worked up at the end and screamed through the dismissals.

I was scheduled to go to another ritual directly after our coven meeting was originally to end. However, because of the blocks we encountered in the ritual itself, and because of Liam's state, the coven meeting ran late, and the second ritual was scheduled to begin around the time our coveners left. There was simply no way I could fit it in with feeding the baby, comforting the baby, and the unscheduled nap I took along with Liam as he finally fell asleep after being fed. I tried to contact the ritual leader, but no luck. Ah well; I figure that by now people ought to know that a baby makes my life completely unpredictable.

It strikes me as ironic that the article I wrote focuses on moving past the "have-to" feeling of dealing with a mundane action like eating, and focusing on the spiritual enrichment one can derive from that action instead. It would appear that my entire daily life has turned into a "have-to" instead of something of beauty. I do all these apparently incredible things because I have to. It would seem that I've lost the trick of being nourished by them in any way, however: no joy, no comfort, no relaxation, no spiritual enrichment. And I'm not quite sure when it happened, or how to reverse the process.

According to my article, of course, one simply has to perform one's daily activities with awareness. It's what one does with what one learns through performing those actions with awareness that's the unique challenge for each and every person. And evidently how I process that information has changed. Now I have to figure out how to make it all flow smoothly again, and how to inject the life-blood back into my life. I have to learn how to learn again. And perhaps how to live with awareness again, instead of just doing it.

Blessed Lughnassadh!

No wonder I've been craving corn on the cob for the past week and have been thinking about baking bread despite the heat -- it's Lughnassadh.

This feast day more than any other in the Wheel of the Year is all about food for me. It's the first harvest festival. Harvest Home is a thanksgiving of sorts (Mabon, if you insist on using a name that has no connection to the actual holiday), and Samhain is Samhain; but Lughnassadh is all about bread and corn to me. The Empress card from the Major Arcana covers the period between Midsummer and Lughnassadh in my mind. Lughnassadh carries associations of fertility and abundance in my personal connection to the Wheel of the Year. The tilling and maintaining of crops and projects continues, but you can see the finish line ahead of you, and pause for just a moment to appreciate the first fruits of your labour.

The fruit of my particular prosaic labour was supposed to be a Lughnassadh baby. I'm not quite sure what it says about him that he chose to be born around Midsummer instead.

Polite Rant Ahead

Let's talk about discrimination for a moment.

Discrimination is when you discard someone's ideas, views, and worth because they are different.

Now let's talk about Wiccan traditions.

Discrimination is when you discard someone's ideas, views, and worth because they belong to a different tradition.

Does it make sense to dismiss someone simply because they've studied a certain path? Of course not. You're assuming that the path you object to, and only that path, has influenced and molded the individual's thoughts, beliefs, ethics, outlook, and spirituality.

What about their other spiritual studies? Their personal interests? What they practiced before (or currently in addition to) the path to which you object?

Does it make sense to dismiss the individual's contributions to the field simply because you look down on their path? To assume that whatever they offer is going to be a carbon copy of their tradition's teachings? Doesn't that mean you're ignoring the individual's own originality?

Would you accept someone dismissing you as having any worth because you were Alexandrian, or Gardnerian, or Reclaiming?

Wouldn't you be annoyed if someone assumed you worshipped Sanders, or Gardner, or Starhawk, simply because they founded your trad? Wouldn't you object to someone assuming you were a clone of your founder?

I certainly do. In fact, I object rather strongly to it. I'm not a Silver clone, nor are my books a regurgitation of hers or her ideas. In fact, my books are completely different. While I received my clergy training through BFCCS, I practiced on my own for a good long time before that, during which I formed my personal ideas and interpretations of Wiccan basics. I don't take kindly to people dismissing my work or myself simply because of my association with a path of study I followed to explore its connections and contrasts to my own ideas, and to explore those of other people. I object very strongly to people assuming I'm fluffy, vacant-brained, and a sheep, and if they do it simply proves that they haven't taken the time to even look through my work, whether published in book form or on the website.

I don't plug my ears with my fingers when I hear someone is of another tradition, because I believe that all individuals have something personal and valid to share. I don't refuse to open a book because of their training (or lack of it). I let the material speak for itself, and then base my future decisions on my personal evaluation of that material.

I refuse to be drawn into witch wars, false divisions, and exclusionary practices. You say potato, I say potahto. We're both talking about the same tuber. I'm not going to assume that you know nothing about them simply because you like eating Russet Burbanks while I prefer Yukon Golds. Nor am I going to dismiss every other opinion you have on unrelated topics because we prefer different potatoes. Your opinions and thoughts are as valid as mine.

If you dismiss someone or something on the basis of your opinion of a single individual also associated with one of their affiliations, you're simply pointing to your own narrow-mindedness and refusal to make an objective decision. And who loses out?

You do.

Rain And Plants And Other Stuff

It has finally begun to rain, glory be. Right on schedule, of course, since HRH drenched all our new plants and flowers yesterday with our new garden hose. I thought I saw faint lightning at around fourish, and heard very quiet thunder around fiveish. The weather bureau's been promising thunderstorms for two days now, with no return. I would like it to rain and rain and rain today. I shall be very put out if this gentle beginning trails away without ever reaching a Storm of Any Substance. I want my thunderstorm.

New plants? Yes, there was a trip to the garden centre yesterday morning, and the acquisition of many bags of black earth, and several flats of pansies, cosmos, wave petunias, alyssum, and various herbs. No vegetables other than peppers, alas; we must seek them elsewhere. Coven became cheerfully involved in the preparation of the vegetable bed for those peppers and the future peas, beans, onions, potatoes, and so forth, for this constituted that the beginning of our harvest ritual. Gods, it's so good to actually have the land and garden beds to do this!

Coven was basically touching base and enjoying each others' company yesterday, which was nice on one hand and regrettable on the other. I would have liked to have had something more substantial happen, as we missed last meeting due to that move thing. The revised plan for the meeting included planting vegetables we'd use in our harvest feast, but since we didn't find anything other than the pepper plants, that plan was unfortunately scuttled. (We did plant wildflower and nicotina seeds instead, which means we'll have pretty things on the altar for offerings in the future, but it wasn't the same.) Originally this meeting called for a dark moon ritual, but we have no area here where we can hold circle yet, and in fact we're still mystified as to where we're going to put a permanent altar, let alone do ritual at all. I know I'll have a small permanent wall altar in my office, but it's nowhere big enough for a full coven rit. We also know we'll have a small shelf altar somewhere in the living room, but thanks to my inability to move boxes we're not as unpacked as I'd like us to be, and so we haven't found the altar boxes yet to locate the deity statues and the hearthstone. We'll likely end up pushing back chairs and chesterfield in order to set up a temporary full altar in the living room for coven circles, and there's nothing wrong with that; it's just that I've been spoiled by having a permanent full altar in a room large enough for full coven rituals over the past seven years.

So we made plans, and talked about lessons and various things, and they heartily approve of the new place. They're the first guest-type people who have come over, so the response was nice to have. The next meeting is the solstice ritual, so we have two weeks to find the altar boxes. Since the living room is now painted, and I can put a serious dent in the pile of boxes left downstairs, we should find them quite easily by then, along with the missing office boxes and bedroom boxes too.

Twins! ("But I'll Always Be Older," Said Raven)

I love my coven. I love our sister coven. Our dual ritual welcoming two new first degrees to the Clan yesterday afternoon was an absolute joy, and a lovely break from the everyday stresses that have really been draining me lately. It's fun to play with others sometimes. (And yes, it was a dual ritual, producing what one initiate termed "spiritual twins". Not a duel ritual, which was proposed before the candidates for initiation arrived: that way we'd only have to initiate the survivor. Interesting idea, but messy and requiring so much purification afterwards.)

As a gift from Raven, our coven's new initiate, we now have a four-inch thick, hand-made leather-bound coven book of shadows to fill. It's absolutely stunning. I have no idea where it will live. At the moment it's taking up half the altar and looking terribly impressive, but it's going to make it difficult to work. HRH wants to build a fancy wooden book stand for it and display it in the living room or something, once we've moved. Really, it looks like a refugee prop from a Harry Potter film. If you gave it teeth and fur, it would be a copy of Hagrid's text for Magical Creatures.

There were other presents, and lots of nibbly stuff (there's still one all-cream millefeuille in the fridge that's so very mine -- because, er, it has calcium in it, yes, and calcium is good for me), and fun and sharing.

(And for those of who who were present and may be wondering: the Guide finally did leave the building, but I think it wasn't until long after I went to bed. HRH was riding on that energy for hours and hours, and didn't get to sleep till three in the morning.)

*blink* *blink*

Wow.

I was just invited to be a guest at the Spirits of the Earth festival in early July, and to give a presentation. (Shelley Rabinovitch, how on earth do you know me? I stay terribly quiet in the Montreal Pagan community. From the bottom of my heart I thank you for your recommendation to the festival organisers; you honour me.)

I had to decline, of course; the timing is bad. But wow.

Besides, next year I'll have three books out instead of just one, and I'll be a much better draw for festival attendees. (And now allow me to freak out slightly about that fact, as well. Eep!)

Thought-Provoking

Our Godless Constitution by Brooke Allen, from the February 21, 2005 issue of The Nation.

It is hard to believe that George Bush has ever read the works of George Orwell, but he seems, somehow, to have grasped a few Orwellian precepts. The lesson the President has learned best--and certainly the one that has been the most useful to him--is the axiom that if you repeat a lie often enough, people will believe it. One of his Administration's current favorites is the whopper about America having been founded on Christian principles. Our nation was founded not on Christian principles but on Enlightenment ones. God only entered the picture as a very minor player, and Jesus Christ was conspicuously absent.

This is a fascinating article on the separation of church and state as seen by the founding fathers of the United States. (And the article taken from the 1797 Treaty of Tripoli is particularly interesting in the light of current events.)

Though for public consumption the Founding Fathers identified themselves as Christians, they were, at least by today's standards, remarkably honest about their misgivings when it came to theological doctrine, and religion in general came very low on the list of their concerns and priorities--always excepting, that is, their determination to keep the new nation free from bondage to its rule.

Ah, history.

La'Fhe'ile Bhride

A blessed Imbolc to all!

Blessing for Hearth-Keepers by Caitlin Matthews

Brighid of the Mantle, encompass us,
Lady of the Lambs, protect us,
Keeper of the Hearth, kindle us.
Beneath your mantle, gather us,
And restore us to memory.

Mother of our mothers,
Foremothers strong,
Guide our hands in yours,
Remind us how
To kindle the hearth,
To keep it bright,
To preserve the flame.
Your hands upon ours,
Our hands within yours,
To kindle the light,
Both day and night.

The Mantle of Brighid about us,
The Memory of Brighid within us,
The Protection of Brighid keeping us
From harm, from ignorance, from heartlessness,
This day and night,
From dawn till dark,
From dark till dawn.

Beannachta Bhride dhuit, gentle readers.

Gift From the Gods

Shut UP!

Do you know what just arrived?

My copy of Myth and Religion of the North: The Religion of Ancient Scandinavia by Turville-Petre. You know, the out-of-print rare volume I tracked down for under one hundred Canadian dollars in the UK, that wasn't going to arrive till early March?

Eeeeeee!

It's an amazing copy, too; tight, clean pages; no markings; no finger-soil on the edges; only a bit of shelf-wear on the top and bottom of the spine. It has that lovely old book smell. The binding actually cracks a bit when I open it anywhere except at the photo plates. I don't know if anyone has ever even read this book; I think it might have just sat on someone's shelf for forty years in a dim room.

I am completely delirious. I can't believe that I actually have a copy of this book.

It's a really, really good thing that I'm not in the headspace to read about Teutonic religious practices at the moment, because otherwise it would be to Hel with the Wicca book, which, after all that calculating I did yesterday, would be quite disastrous. This, then, will be my reward for breaking, oh, say, 40K next week.

LATER:
Hmm. Now that the book has been freed from the restrictive cardboard wrapping, the hard covers are curving outward a bit(known as "foxing" in the book industry). If I were a serious collector, this would be a black mark against the value of the book. It doesn't affect the precious words inside, though, which are the reason why I bought the book; it's just not as excellent a copy as I thought it was earlier. (And it's A Good Thing I'm not a serious collector, because I spend enough money on books already, thank you very much. The mind stalls at guesstimating how much a collector's edition of this rare book would cost.)

Fluffy Bunnies and Stinking Badgers -- and Geckoes, Turtles, Sheep, and Coyotes, Oh My

Dualistic thinking saturates Western culture to such an extent that most westerners (especially Americans) have trouble thinking of any complex topic without slipping into Black/White, Evil/Good, Left/Right extremes. Unfortunately, reality is seldom that neat and clear. So let’s try looking at the Left-Right distinction using a value spectrum instead. [...]

Clearly the value spectrum gives us a more accurate image of how real people might place themselves within the Left-Right polarity, with the vast majority being some mixture of the two extremes.

So let’s try using value spectrums to help us make some Pagan fauna (or vice versa). Imagine four of them, measuring varying amounts of experience, honesty, trust, and knowledge that a person might have, intersecting in four dimensions.

Isaac Bonewits looks at different personality types within the Pagan world, using the Fluffy Bunny as a starting point. Fascinating, and more than a bit amusing. And the neat thing is, by creating a multi-axis spectrum, he can be a lot more accurate about animal metaphors. Insightful, and thought-provoking.

Me? Rather Owlish, with a dose of Turtle, and a streak of Fox. Where do you think you fit into the Pagan personality biosphere?

Witches Weekly

I have been terribly remiss of late with the Witches Weekly questions. They've been a bit sporadic (as in, not precisely weekly), and when they do go up, sometimes they don't inspire me; but in most cases I have other things which have to get done first, and then I just forget. (Brain like a sieve these days, I tell you. All I can remember is that I have a book due in three months.)

1. Do you have any Winter Solstice traditions?

Nothing set in stone. Some years we do the night-long vigil; other years we have a good meal, light a candle, and then sit and think about the concept of light returning. I like to spend Winter Solstice alone, as I prefer to celebrate Samhain alone; they're both very introspective times.

2. How do you feel about the more secular form of the holiday, with presents and Santa Claus?

I think it's perfectly natural. As Anne pointed out recently, it's all about celebrating the fact that woo-hoo, we're still alive during the dark and cold! Excess at any time is something I discourage, so to me, those who go overboard with the rampant commercialism at this time of year just don't get it. It's not about the gifts; it's about sharing and making others happy. Touch them deeply; don't inundate them with stuff. Watching someone open a simple gift I have presented to them and seeing their joy is worth more to me than buying them something large and expensive. It's about doing it right, not doing it big.

3. What is one thing that is etched into your memory about this recent holiday season?

Sharing quality time with immediate family and friends, and sharing plans for the future. That, to me, is what the holiday season is all about. We celebrate the fact that we are alive, and together, and we plan for tomorrow as the light continues to grow in strength and power.

Mother Night

One of the things I love about the Teutonic religious systems is that they have actual days set aside to honour various ancestors. For example, December 24 is called Mother Night, a feast day where a family celebrates its female ancestors. I always thought it fit in quite nicely with the whole Solstice return-of-the-sun idea, and with the preponderance of male sun-associated deities born on or around Dec 25. Mother Night is something I've celebrated with a libation and a prayer to the disir the past few years. (There; probably something you didn't know about me. I'm not blindly Celtic-based, even though I'm dedicated to Brid and also serve the Morrighan through my tradition. In fact, I usually prefer to work with Norse deities.)

Selena Fox has written a great article on Holda, a Teutonic goddess of winter. While I'm more familiar with her older, wilder, shadow side referred to as Perchta by Fox, this article outlines the more munificent traits with which Holda is associated, which are remarkably appropriate for the season. I think I've just found the female counterpart to HRH's Holly King figure, whom will someday represent Santa to his children in story.

From an e-list I'm on:

There are more knives, swords, lances, and other sticky-pokies in the Key of Solomon than would fill a small cutlery shop.

If you have read or even paged through the KoS, this will amuse you. If you haven't, then the phrasing alone ought to make you chuckle.

On Healing

Up at Witchvox this week: an excellent article by Gavin Bone which outlines a basic set of ethical guidelines for Neo-Pagan healers, which can be found here.

Reviews Up

The Samhain book reviews are up; check out my reviews of Second Circle by Venecia Rauls, and Advanced Witchcraft by Edain McCoy.

And I forgot to mention that HRH's acceptance into the computer animation program arrived today. He has a student number and everything. Let's hear it for retraining and updating work skills!

Industry Category: Other

I absolutely had to pick up this bumper sticker at the store yesterday; I'd never seen it before.

I've pinned it on my bulletin board next to my desk, because it makes me laugh whenever I read it.

Witches Weekly

1. What does the Samhain/Celtic New Year/All Hallows Eve mean to you?

With all the costuming chat going on around here, and the rants and complaints about the now-mercifully-ended stress of window and door replacement, you might think that I'm not considering the shadow feast which is almost upon us.

You would of course, be wrong. (Although when I'm gritting my teeth folding, folding, and folding stupid little fabric tabs, I come very close to being not spiritual at all.)

Over the past five or so years, though, I've deliberately moved my Halloween and my Samhain celerations apart. I do the Samhain-when-the-Sun-hits-15 degrees- of-Scorpio thing, which usually makes it between November sixth and eigth, or thereabouts. This allows me the fun of costume creation and display, and the enjoyment of the whole party thing, without short-changing my introspective and solemn honouring of the past and the dead. Samhain is important to me, because I think a day set apart to think about all the issues which have been resolved or put away, the people and animals who have passed on, ancestors both spiritual and geneological, and taking stock of our lives as we head into the stillness of winter is important, even more so in this day and age where everything is rush-rush. We don't allow ourselves the time to grieve for losses of any kind; we swallow our feelings and carry on. This is unhealthy, to say the least. And doing this in early November means I'm in a better headspace for it.

(For a really excellent examination of the issue, go read Ceri's essay The Difference Between Samhain and Hallowe'en.)

2. Do you do anything special to celebrate or commemorate this sabbat?

Always. It's nothing huge; I don't think the nature of the feast-day calls for it. It's a more introspective celebration, so apart from the ritual my coven will perform, I'll have a private solo evening rit where I'll sit and think a lot, write in my journal, and pour wine for those I'm honouring.

Although to be honest, I do a lot of the reviewing at this time of year anyhow. It's just natural, I think, as things slow down. So in a way, my Samhain work is done slowly over the month of November.

3. What does the coming Winter mean to you in terms of spirituality?

This is the time of year that resembles a unicursal labyrinth for me. The green things of the earth are crumbling and falling around us; the air grows cold; the sunlight fades. To all appearances, life is dying. And yet, I know that life is only turning in on itself in order to begin spiralling outwards once again. It's not death; it's a withdrawal to sleep and gather strength for another sortie. This time of year more than any other season reminds me that life is a cycle, not a straight line which begins and ends.

Irony

You would think that since I've written a book on the subject, I wouldn't have butterflies in my stomach an hour before teaching a spellcasting workshop.

Someone has evidently neglected to pass the memo onto the butterflies.

Later: It seems to be a home-based anxiety. Once I got there (literally, in the building and in the room to set up) I was fine. And my students were wonderfully dynamic and willing to chat, discuss, and share experiences. All of us are really looking forward to next week's concluding class

Why can't all workshops be like this one?

Healing Magic

Now that the new issue of WynterGreene has been released, I've added my review of Robin Rose Bennett's Healing Magic: A Green Witch Guidebook to my on-line collection of reviews. Enjoy.

Witches Weekly Questions

Duh. I submitted the questions and then forgot to answer them.

Witches Weekly September 05, 2004: Teachers and Training

This week's questions donated by: Autumn (That's me!)

1. What kind of training (if any) have you had in your chosen spiritual path (workshops, seminary, coven, courses, etc)?

Like most others, I began by reading books and slowly, awkwardly, assembling my own practice. I mainly studied eclectic Wicca and green witchcraft-type subjects. When I got bored of talking to myself, I looked for local classes where I could touch base with others of like mind. That's how I tripped (literally!) into a class with Crescent Moon School (now the Crescent Moon Spiritual Learning Centre). I took the basic survey course just to dip my toes in the water, so to speak, and discovered that not only did I know all this stuff (and more!) really well, I knew it so well that I was overqualified as a basic student. Soon, with the encouragement of my peers, I began to teach with CMS, and offering my own workshops though Le Melange Magique, Canada's largest metaphysical shop.

A few years later I dedicated into the Black Forest Circle and Clan Seminary, thus beginning my formal study of Wicca, built on the firm foundation of my previous five years of solitary study. I obtained my third degree in August of 2003, and finished my seminary work to obtain legal clergy status in the US and most of Canada. I now co-lead my own coven, a new challenge.

I attend lectures and workshops given in the New Age and occult fields by authors and specialists whenever I can. I also read non-stop. You never stop learning, after all.

2. Who have been the people who have influenced you the most along your spiritual path?

My mother, first of all, who taught me to respect others and the world around me. And my clan HPS, who showed me that being tough is important, but so is being open to Spirit.

Judy Harrow, although I've never let her, has also influenced my teaching and spiritual path through writings and her own example.

3. What skills, values, and/or areas of expertise do you seek in a spiritual mentor or teacher?

I asked this because I'm a teacher and I was curious to know what others look for. I look for someone who's confident but not arrogant; someone who can admit mistakes as well as being open-minded, but not a doormat; someone who is well-versed in their area of expertise; someone who is a good communicator, flexible, but disciplined; someone who I can trust; and who has a sense of humour. Do I fit all that? Most of it, I think, and most of the time. Not all at once, I'm afraid. I have bad days like everyone else does. I become frustrated when my students harp on the same issues over and over. I get upset when they phrase things thoughtlessly.

If I turn that question around, here's what I look for in a student: someone who is open-minded; who isn't self-absorbed; who is willing to learn; who actively makes an effort to integrate and apply the knowledge they gain; who understands that a teacher isn't the be-all end-all, and that the teacher is human too; who understands that acquiring skills and knowledge doesn't mean that life improves automatically; who is trustworthy; and who understands that paganism is a way of life, not a means to an end.

Witches Weekly August 28, 2004:

Witches Weekly August 28, 2004: Politics

1. Do you feel those with pagan beliefs should attempt to take more of a political stand?

I feel that religion and spirituality has nothing to do with how politically active an individual should or should not be. That’s up to the individual. I would never stand for a religion or spirituality dictating my political behaviour to me. Certainly, I tend to be more vocal concerning areas honoured by pagan paths, such as environmental issues, the right to expression, the freedom of religion, health care, and education; this, however, is a result of common interests, not due to my involvement as a pagan or my commitment to the Wiccan path.

2. Is paganism openly accepted where you are from? (city,town,state)

Sure. Here in Montreal, Quebec, Canada, we have a handful of metaphysical shops, there are outdoor rituals in public places, and the major anglophone newspaper does articles on the spirituality of pagans, not the sensational aspect. Canada in general tends to not get its knickers in a knot about alternative spirituality. (Don't get us started on the archaic laws still on the books, however.)

3. Given your beliefs, what's one thing that a political figure could promise to you about your path, that would convince you to vote for them?
No single promise would convince me to vote for anyone. I consider it my responsibility as a citizen to not be swayed by single issues, so I look at the entire platform. An individual could promise me a 100% increase in recycling investment, and if I didn’t look at the rest of the platform I might allow education cuts, a reduction in rights and freedoms to slip by. That's irresponsible.

Come the restoration of the monarchy, however, things will be much improved. Hail to the king!

Witches Weekly August 21, 2004:

Witches Weekly August 21, 2004: Random Questions

1. Have you ever been confronted with a decision you had to make that conflicted with your spiritual beliefs? If so, what, and how did you deal with it?

No. My faith is all about taking the responsibility for every one of your actions on your own shoulders.

The main lesson I learned in the early years of practicing Wicca concerned the "harm none" rule. No one, absolutely no one, can go through life without harming someone or something. I grew to understand that a Wiccan must temper the "harm none" law with the belief that allowing harm to perpetuate elsewhere is wrong, and that standing by doing nothing is in itself causing harm. Loving the evildoer isn't the way to redeem them; it's just not going to happen. Thus, engaging in less than ethical action to stop evil from perpetuating is at times necessary. I firmly believe that we're often faced with situations where the choice can only be the action "which is less wrong." I also accept the karmic burden for taking those actions.

(The fact that there are no such concepts as pure "evil" or "good" complicates matters, but that's a discussion for another day. Right and wrong are always subjective, and often situational as well. Hitting someone is generally perceived as wrong, but if you do it to turn someone aside from harming someone else (after trying other methods) then it's right. You're still going to have to take responsibility for it, though; you can' escape the fact that you hit someone. Actions are dependent upon the individual, the situation, and the pressing need of a resolution. Heck, I'm not going to reiterate the Ethics chapter of the bloody book; just read it when it comes out next May, all right?)

2. What was your most spiritual moment?

I have absolutely no clue. I have frequent little spiritual moments; I can't isolate one of them as "the most spiritual." To me, spirituality is a life-suffusing concept. Even a small spiritual moment can change your life, and continuously informs the next moment as well as the one before it.

If you pressed me, though, I'd have to choose between the moments directly following my wedding ceremony, and my third degree ceremony. And perhaps my second degree ceremony as well. These just happen to have been facilitated by someone else; it's not the fact that they're ceremonies which makes them spiritual. Rather, it's the depth of the spiritual transformation which occured during those ceremonies that makes them stand out.

3. Has there ever been a moment where you doubted the path you were on? If so, how did you deal with it?

In the ten years I have followed it, I have never doubted my adherence to the Wiccan faith. I have, however, doubted what I'm doing within it, though: teaching, writing, counseling, and so forth. These doubts are mini spiritual crises which pass after meditation, divination, consulting with others, and rest (they're often a direct result of being overworked and overtired). Someone once told me the fact that I wonder about my suitability for helping others probably means I'm the right person to do it. Sigh. There's no escape, is there.

Be A Martyr!

This kind of thing really riles me up:

Church Says Girl's Communion Not Valid

By JOHN CURRAN, Associated Press Writer
Fri Aug 20, 6:33 AM ET

BRIELLE, N.J. - An 8-year-old girl who suffers from a rare digestive disorder and cannot eat wheat has had her first Holy Communion declared invalid because the wafer contained no wheat, violating Roman Catholic doctrine.

Now, Haley Waldman's mother is pushing the Diocese of Trenton and the Vatican (news - web sites) to make an exception, saying the girl's condition should not exclude her from the sacrament, which commemorates the Last Supper of Jesus Christ before his crucifixion. The mother believes a rice Communion wafer would suffice.

"It's just not a viable option. How does it corrupt the tradition of the Last Supper? It's just rice versus wheat," said Elizabeth Pelly-Waldman.

Church doctrine holds that Communion wafers, like the bread served at the Last Supper, must have at least some unleavened wheat. Church leaders are reluctant to change anything about the sacrament.

(Full article here.)

For Pete's sake -- The bread. Is. Blessed.

The priest uses his God-given powers to bless the bread, performing the ritual magic which transforms the object into the body of Christ. That's what transubstantiation means. Are you telling me that God isn't capable of changing a rice wafer into the body of Christ? That the blessings don't take if it's not wheat?

Denying someone access to their faith because the individual cannot/will not comprimise their health isn't only unfair, it's bigoted.

The Catholic faith is a beautiful one. It's too bad the bureaucrats spoil the spiritual aspect of that faith.

Echoes

(I found this post tucked away in a file, forgotten until I began cleaning things out. It was written partially as an e-mail to a new teacher. It's as important now as it was when it was written, I should make some sort of note to re-read it often.)

It's often said that "those who don't know, teach" but I've discovered that what it should say is "those who know, teach, then discover that they didn't know things as well as they'd thought, and proceed to reinterpret their lives and learn, learn, learn."

The odd thing is as a spiritual teacher, you're still further ahead than those you teach. Life's an ever-unwinding path; you've just seen a bit more of it than your students have.

Spiritual teachers go through frequent crises of self-worth: how can I teach others if I know so little myself? It's a sign of humility, which is a good thing, I suppose. At the same time, one has to remember that the definition of a mentor or guide involves the idea that they've been where the student is now, and so are in a position to offer advice, a helping hand, or valuable information. It's kind of like following someone through a forest, and seeing that they've left signs of their passing in disturbed greenery, a footprint here and there; and every so often, there's a shout back from ahead that tells you to watch out for that root you're about to trip over.

They will ask questions; you will not know the answers. They will become frustrated; you will become angry. They won't get it; you will despair.

But you owe it to your own past teachers, whether they knew they were teaching you or not, to keep on.

An excellent article on Traditional

An excellent article on Traditional witchcraft vs non-Traditional (note the capitalisation), initiation, and suchlike:

Oathbound: The meaning of traditional paths in an instant gratification society

(This just so happens to have been written by someone who led a fabulous closing ritual this weekend.)

Witches Weekly Questions, August 13,

Witches Weekly Questions, August 13, 2004: Sound

1. Do you enjoy having any type of music or sound during a ritual? If so, what?

Always. My life has a soundtrack, and ritual is no different. The score to the film Fairy Tale was nominated as the Official Ritual Score a few years ago. Nowadays I often use the score to Myst as well. It depends on the tone of the ritual. Worship: Fairy Tale. Working: Myst. And because I'm so tuned to music (no pun intended) I can time my words and energy to the music's crescendos. It enhances everything so beautifully.

Drummingis marvellous, especially when you have a strong and talented drummer. TO drum, however, you have to accept that you're not in the heart of the ritual, but managing the energy levels on the side. I can't do rit and drum simultaneously, so I have to look forward to high ritual when others do it. And it has to be done correctly; so many let the beat falter or meander around. I've only met a handful of people who can correctly use drums as ritual tools.

2. Do you have a favorite chant?

Good question. I've always love The Earth is our Mother; I can chant Holy Well Sacred Flame for hours in ecstatic meditation; and Air I Am was on the list until near the end of this weekend when the Clan's chants mistress (a woman whom I love fiercely) taught my dedicants to sing "Sam I am, Sam I am, I won't eat green eggs and ham" to the tune, thereby endearing her to the Seuss fanatics (everyone) and ruining the chant forever for me. Earth My Body has taken its place in my top three chants after this weekend.

3. What sound tends to move you spiritually the most?

A slow well-built orchestral crescendo; rain; water of any kind; the cello (go figure).

Flip-Side

Don't get me wrong; there were bad things too. We left three and a half hours later than we had intended to thanks to the idiocy of the regie d'assurance automobile; we drove in a blinding rainstorm; the portable CD player and the tape adapter hook-up didn't work; we set up in the pouring rain, and were subsequently damp all weekend (I'm just throwing my rotting sneakers out); the air mattress had a hole in it and deflated completely within two hours; more people showed up than registered so that there weren't enough sites for those who *did* register, forcing people to double and triple up on soaking, flooded, bog-like sites; one of the catered meals was rancid, forcing us to default to breakfast food on our barbecue (which was yummy, and a good bonding experience); and due to unclear communicaion about scheduling, we left five hours later than we had expected to leave, forcing us to drive through the night instead of just the evening, and on not a lot of sleep at the end of a draining weekend.

That's just so you know I'm not romanticising. There were as many downs as ups. However, dwelling on the downs isn't constructive.

Home!

We're back from our spiritual retreat down in Pennsylvania. Apart from arriving in a pounding rainstorm thanks to Hurricane Charley dancing along the eastern coast of the US and being damp all weekend as a result, we had a phenomenal time. We assisted in a high-powered ritual in which we elevated two people to third degree, one of whom is a very dear friend, we networked, we attended our first private official meeting as clan teachers, and we received some deeply touching compliments. The new folk in our coven who travelled with us seemed to have a wonderful time as well, which was both a delight and a relief.

The only drawbacks were arriving in that rainstorm and dealing with the subsequent mud, the hour of is-the-hurricane-coming-inland-do-we-cancel-the-camping-weekend on Saturday (heck no -- we had over a hundred fifty witches on-site. That hurricane was downgraded to a tropical storm and moved out to sea instead), and the unexpectedly lengthy post-camping meeting for the teachers. We stayed as long as we could, and finally left at seven PM. HRH and I rolled into Montreal as the sun was rising and fell into bed at six AM.

On the way home we stopped at the Friendly's restaurant in West Hazelton, PA, and let me tell you, there's a reason we always stop at that particular location of the chain. The staff are cheerful, the restaurant is tidy, and the food is always good (unlike other locations of the chain, we have discovered to our dismay). HRH and I had heavenly peanut butter-fudge-vanilla ice cream. I had mine with hot fudge sauce and whipped cream as well, and oh gods, it was pure sin and very, very tempting to pack our cooler with pints of the stuff. It's a limited time thing; we just might have to cross the border again before the fall to indulge one last time. (Yes, it's good enough to merit a border crossing all on its own.)

We touched base with people whom we love, whom we only see once a year, and then only if we're lucky. We met new friends. We were reminded of why we chose to work with this particular tradition: no bullshit, fierce loyalty if merited, a kick-ass sense of humour, and the ability to sever ties completely if warranted to avoid drama and drawn-out politics. This camping trip reminds me that there are people out there who've got my back if I need support, magically or personally.

I am a high priestess within the Black Forest Clan. I honour my teachers, and my fellow facilitators. I love my brothers and sisters of the clan. And every year at this time, I am reminded of how fortunate I am to be a part of this organization, contributing and receiving knowledge and passion.

The only unfortunate part is that I come home all fired up to start or re-start thousands of projects, at least nine hundred and ninety seven of which will have to wait while the rest of my life demands my attention on a daily basis.

Ups and Downs

We discovered last week that the purveyors of fine teas in the nearby upper-crust borough had closed up shop.

This is bad -- where am I going to go pick up Dragon Well on a whim? -- but not bad, because they were snobbish prissy shopwomen who belittled their clientele instead of welcoming them and educating them. We drove past a tiny tea shop up on Monkland a while ago, so one of these days I shall have to take a walk up and check it out in order to ascertain its value.

Saturday night after dinner out with friends my stomach and digestive system decided to stage a protest about something (it certainly wasn't the food), and while I'm much better, they're still unhappy about life. We leave for Pennsylvania before dawn tomorrow, so I wish they'd hurry up and settle. We picked up the camping gear from Hiscock's Fine Camping Supplies and Laundromat last night (and also obtained a nice anti-skip personal CD player with tape convertor for the trip, huzzah), so all that remains is to:

- get photocopies to take with us
- pick up gallon jugs of bottled water
- finish packing clothes
- pick up black cord for my dress
- pick up the first-aid kit
- finish hemming Gob Anarchy's robe for the band's first unofficial tour (unofficial because a third of the band will be missing, alas)

I succeeded in creating the body of the robe and put it on to show HRH. It's designed for someone who is about six inches taller than I am, so the sleeves flopped way past my fingers, the hood almost obscured my face, and the hem dragged on the ground. "'S a bit big," I said, flopping my hands about. HRH turned around, saw me, and tried to hide his laughter behind a hand. "Wot?" I demanded. "You look like a cute Dementor," he said, his efforts turning his face red. "Give us a kiss, then!" I siad, stepping towards him. "That's just creepy," he said, "no, thanks."

All three of my female fur-children have staked out this robe as The Best Place To Sleep. Hope Gob Anarchy appreciates how they feel.

To the sewing machine!

Witches Weekly August 07, 2004

Witches Weekly August 07, 2004 - What is Sacred to You?

1. What is one item that is sacred to you? (Can be anything, tool, amulet, object, etc)

My body. It’s mine; no one else’s. I don’t subscribe to society’s idea of what’s attractive (although society does sometimes agree with my standards). No one touches it without my permission. I have a thing about personal space.

Fire is also sacred to me, in all its forms, as is water.

2. What holidays or time of year do you consider most sacred to you personally?

Imbolc, of course, because it’s associated with first light, growth, purification, creativity, and, ultimately, Brid. Anyone who can forge a sword, inflict damage with it, then heal you and feed you afterwards is high on my list of individuals whose sanctity is worthy of celebration.

And, what do you know; fire and water are usually associated with Imbolc as well.

3. Describe your sacred space (can be anywhere, indoors, outdoors, etc).

You’re not getting the nickel tour of my astral sacred space because it’s private, nor am I about to describe my body (ditto). My sacred environments (real or astral) always include a hanging lamp of some kind, because, as I state above, fire is sacred to me. There’s usually a dish of water, as well, or a pool. Other than those two commonalities, my sacred space is wherever I am.

Witches Weekly - August 02,

Witches Weekly - August 02, 2004: Seasons

1. What do you like most about the summer season?

The light. I get very lethargic in winter due to the lack of sunlight. I enjoy not having to turn on an electric light in the daytime during the summer months.

2. How does weather affect your spirituality? Are you more active in the summer with pagan activities or less? Do you meditate outside or inside depending on weather?

The weather doesn't affect my spirituality or the frequency of my rituals at all. Sure, we have a few bbqs outdoors, and we do a couple of outdoor rituals, but I wouldn't say it deeply affects my spirituality; other than the basic fact that my spirituality is seasonally-based, of course. I meditate all over the place in any season, whenever needed.

3. What's your favorite summer ritual? (Lughnasadh, Midsummer, whatever you celebrate)

Lughnassadh! Fresh corn, home-made bread... well, see the previous entry. I tend to forget about midsummer, actually. (Although I'm likely to have it eternally emblazoned upon my mind after this summer's Star Wars ritual, where Darth Vader cut Obi-Wan down, ostensibly to become the reigning king... but we all know that the Oak King has become More Powerful Than You Can Possibly Imagine and will return in a different form come Yule.)

I have a stronger connection with the harvest festivals than with Midsummer. And yet, Yule is an essential part of the wheel for me. I also tend to forget Ostara, but the Autumn Equinox/Harvest Home is firmly entrenched in my mind both as a major harvest festival, and as my wedding anniversary.

I know others tend to forget Ostara and Lughnassadh because they don't have much of a connection to them. I try to remember Ostara as the Vernal Equinox, where I say farewell to winter with much joy. When I have children, I have decided that Ostara will also be a Maiden festival (or Youth festival, depending on the sex of the children!). When I was a child, I saw that there was a Mothers' Day, a Fathers' Day, and even a Grandparents' Day. "When is Kids' Day?" I asked my mother. "Every day is Kids' Day," she told me, which, as an adult, I now completely understand. At the time, though, it nettled me. Making Ostara an official Kids' Day works with the themes of youth and potential. Lughnassadh, as I've said, I made a celebration of corn and wheat, two of my favourite foods, so I never forget it.

Lughnassadh

Oh, hey; and blessed Lughnassadh. (I forgot to say "white rabbits" this morning, it being the first of the month, but I didn't forget Lughnassadh!)

Go eat fresh, sweet corn on the cob. That's how we celebrate. That, and baking fresh bread. Mmm... corn on the cob, dripping with butter and salt and pepper... warm bread ...

No! No! Must finish editing manuscript!

Holy --!

This will amuse Those Who Know, and Those Who Have Been Asking recently:

(From Foxydot.)

Buying Pagan Books

An excellent article on how to buy your first Pagan books (which is applicable to seasoned buyers as well) can be found at The Lotus Pond. (Anything that begins with a warning against purple and glitter is fine by me.) The article on Tools for Learning is good, too.

Witches Weekly for July 10,

Witches Weekly for July 10, 2004 -- Pagan Community

1. How did you choose the specific path you're on? (Druid, Wiccan, Sumerian...)

Choose? Sometimes I feel as if I've been railroaded into it, and all the while Spirit was snickering up its sleeve.

The story's been told before. Namely, I was doing research for a character whom I decided would be a modern witch, and rather than making it all up I chose to visit the local metaphysical shop and pick up a couple of introductory books. The rest, says the author/priestess/teacher, is history.

Come to think of it, I did the same sort of research on ferrets last November for my NaNo novel, but I didn't become a ferret fan. Any more than I already am, that is. Ferrets are a nice idea, but too fast and nippy in person for my taste.

(For a more detailed answer to this question, visit the Owldaughter: Believe page.)

2. What do you feel you contribute to the pagan community?

Ahem. I'm a once-bitten type of girl, which means that I stuck my neck out in the Montreal pagan community about four or five years ago, and was disgusted with the hypocrisy which abounds. I was one of the four original founders of the Montreal Pagan Resource Centre, which is still going strong. It was the first pagan resource centre in Canada. I got tired of the community backbiting the people who were attempting to provide a common space and ground where everyone could meet, and resigned two years later. (Tangent: The amount of political crap that goes on in the Montreal pagan community never ceases to amaze me, however. It whines and moans about the lack of community, then snaps and backstabs any attempt at community support. I once told an interviewer that the Montreal pagan community eats its young. It's a curious truth. End tangent.) For the past four years now I have taught a four-level program which studies a broad spectrum of comparative religion over the ages (N.B.: this is not a spiritual path; it's a survey program which examines techniques and beliefs of various cultures). I also write articles and reviews for our local pagan journal, and I think my editing of the New Age imprint counts as well. For the first time I've realised that I'm a part of an international community as well as my local community, and I try to lead by example.

3. How long have you been an active member of the pagan community?
I never really hid what I was; after all, it's a spiritual path, and frankly it's nobody's business. I became unmistakeably part of the Montreal community when I began to work in the city's largest and oldest metaphysical shop. It's hard to deny that you're not part of the community when you're immersed in it every day.

Those Who Know

Thanks to a meeting last night, everyone's back on an even keel, on the same page, and there were even visual aids provided by HRH, who sketched neat little cars and put people inside them as we worked out transportation to our annual spiritual retreat down in Pennsylvania.

Oh, and the Second Cup's frozen hot chocolate? Delectable. You can actually taste real chocolate. I might skip the whipped cream on top next time, although after drinking the rest of the deliciousness the whipped cream ended up at the bottom, flavoured with the remaining chocolate. I'll have to be in a decadent mood to order the whipped cream again. The drink itself, though -- a definite winner. And what do you know, there's a Second Cup only ten minutes away from me...

Bill Gates Big Book of Wicca

1. The book would be called Windows to the Goddess.

2. Iconology was be a major chapter.

3. A revised edition would be released approximately every 6 months without which your magic would no longer work.

4. Your broom would crash at least once a week.

5. Cauldrons would be called recycle bins.

6. A book of shadows would be called the folder of magic.

7. A free high speed connection spell would come with every book.

8. Ever now and then, your circle would collapse and you would have to perform the reboot ritual to get it working.

9. If you used the more powerful MagicNT rituals, the above would happen to all circles within a 5 mile radius.

10. At least once a month, you would have to reinstall your spells into your folder of magic.

11. You would have to use a start ritual to exit your circle. (And cake and wine would only be available after a sign from the Goddess saying it was safe to do so.)

12. The spells would be called simply "Banish," "Purify," "Dedicate," etc., and these names would be trademarked so that no one else could use them.

13. Everyone would use the spells in the book, because everyone would have it laying around and could assume others knew it too. In an unfamiliar group, you could be sure that everyone knows "Banish," so it would be convenient, and you would get used to it.

14. It would be illegal to let other people cast the spells in your book or vice versa. (Of course, everyone would do it anyway.)

15. The book would be outrageously expensive. Other, cheaper books would exist, and also free ones on the internet, but it would be harder to use them because you wouldn't be familiar with them and you'd have to get used to a whole different metaphor. Most people would think it perfectly reasonable to use Bill Gates' book and pay his fees.

16. If you had questions about the spells in the book, you'd have to call in to an enormous tech support system and pay for "incidents." (Or get your 9 year old niece to show you what to do.)

17. Due to agreements with altar manufacturers, the book would be packaged with every altar sold, and you would have to pay for a new book when buying a new altar. Furthermore, no one would be allowed to use the book they already bought with a new altar, only with the altar the book was purchased with. To use the book with a new altar, it would be necessary to buy a new copy of the book for the new altar, and throw the old copy away (like OEM operating systems).

(Author unknown; various versions exist. I found this one via Butterflies in my Stomach.)

From Jana Riess, author of What Would Buffy Do?, an examination of morals and ethics in the Buffyverse:

I was taken in by its clever, rapid-fire dialogue. I was surprised by the depth of the show, and then I thought, "I'm in graduate school! I'm supposed to be a scholar! How can I be loving something with the unlikely name of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?"

Right with you, Jana. Mea culpa as well.

A Long Time Ago, In a Galaxy Far, Far Away...

Kenobi must die.

Vader must rise.

It's all about balance, baby. You may strike him down, but there will be others; the light will return. Nothing's static; the galaxy is an ever-shifting mass of energy. If it ceases its eternal motion, then it's game over, entropy, pssht! -- gone.

t!'s Summer Solstice ritual was The Best Solstice Ritual Ever. And I got to be the tech crew for it. I love being part of a good thing.

A blessed Solstice to everyone. Gather your St John's Wort while ye may.

Coincidentally, what with Vader and all, it's Father's Day. How's that for perfect? Father's Day on the Solstice, the time of the Sun King being at the height of his powers. A happy one to all the dads out there. (And that includes dads of cats, reptiles, fish, and hamsters. You know who you are. I draw the line at dust kittens.)

Witches Weekly June 18, 2004:

Witches Weekly June 18, 2004: Your Spirituality

1. Do you feel that you are active in your spirituality?

Yes. I'm a teacher of comparative religion, an author of articles and now a book on various aspects of the Neo-Pagan path, an editor of a New Age series of books, the consultant and specialist for a New Age imprint, and a priestess. I'd have to say that my spirituality is a major part of my life. I facilitate other people's spiritual journeys, and I am constantly seeking ways to evolve my own.

2. What do you consider to be the most tedious task in your path?

Erm. If I say teaching, will all of my readers who are also my students give me a moment to explain myself?

I love teaching. I love the dynamic dialogue that is created between student and teacher, and the discoveries made on both sides. I do not, however, enjoy the feeling of us-vs-them that often arises, or the frustration that comes from a class not having prepared what I've asked them to prepare, or not having paid attention to something I have repeated over and over. It's particularly frustrating because I teach adults, who theoretically are old enough and responsible enough to act appropriately, some of whom have children and who ought to be even more aware of the problem.

I also hate teaching when students make me feel guilty for not teaching them what they think they should know. Other teachers probably understand this as well. My classes are set out in a particular way for certain reasons. I have a couple of students who always thank me for my time and my energy before they leave. It was odd at first, but I've come to appreciate it so much. Even if the class wasn't necessarily on a topic which personally interests them, they still let me know that they appreciate the time I put in to researching and teaching it. I don't enjoy being blamed for a student not hearing what they wanted to hear in a class. They learned something, after all. And in a spiritual or religious environment, the material and information usually has to sit and mature and ripen before it has any effect. I understand the impatience of a spiritual student - I'm still one myself, after all - but sometimes my temper gets a bit short. No, I can't hand you the mysteries of the universe on a silver platter, because (a) possessing them isn't the point, it's learning them yourself; (b) this may come as a shock to you, but I don't know them all; and (c) my mysteries are not your mysteries.

3. What is your most enjoyable part of your spirituality?

Easy: research. (Quick -- to the Batcave!)

I love, love, love to read and think and work things out. I love seeing how other people perceive aspects of their spirituality. I like making connections between different religions. The more I research, the better I understand the concept of an individual expressing spirituality, thanks to the ever-increasing body of lore I build up.

I must say that very close to my love of research is my love of talking to the Divine, and being free to envision that Divine however I choose. But then, I also consider research and making connections talking to the Divine, where the Divine allows information to be passed on to me so that I may consider it and further reinforce/modify/develop my view of the world and of God/dess, so perhaps this ought to have been listed first...

Witches Weekly June 13, 2004:

WItches Weekly June 13, 2004: Rituals - Meditations

1. When performing rituals/meditations, do you associate yourself with the element most closely related to your astrological sign?

Odd; I never noticed until I just thought about it, but I usually begin my meditations next to the sea, a stream, or by a pool of water. I'm a Cancer, which is the cardinal water sign. Coincidence? Maybe. I just love water, and I associate it with purification. I like to symbolically cross water or immerse myself in my meditation landscape before I begin my meditation proper.

As for rituals, I prefer to use fire and earth-based energies.

2. If not, do you associate/align yourself with your moon sign, or something that just "feels right"?

Again, I'm a Pisces moon, so there's no escaping the water influence. Six of one, half a dozen of another. (Yeah, delving into astrology helped explain my hypersensitivity. I added fire to balance my practices and things are better.)

3. Do you follow the typical elements of earth, water, fire, air, spirit? Or do you follow an even more non-traditional association akin to earth, water, fire, metal?

I employ the traditional elements, but I consider metal a very powerful substance. I see it as being a meld of earth, air, fire, and water.

All My Avatars

All My Avatars: The Pagan Soap Opera

Read this only if you have a high tolerance for melodrama, and have moved your keyboard out of accidental spewing reach if you're enjoying an iced tea. And don't say I didn't warn you.

Witches Weekly June 07, 2004:

Witches Weekly June 07, 2004: Path, Workplace, and Raising Children

1. What path of Paganism do you follow? (If you take pieces from several traditions, list all of them and why you follow those as well)

Officially Wiccan. My formal trad is the Black Forest Clan, which is based on a blend of Celtic and Germanic practice. I like a lot of the Heathen practices and employ them on my own time.

2. Are you/would you be open about your spirituality in the workplace/school?

Ha, ha, ha. I worked in an occult store for four years. What do you think? It's the one workplace where you're odd if you don't talk about spirituality. (Incidentally, one of my co-workers wears a crucifix along with her witchy stuff, and she often gets odd looks. Talk about when worlds collide.) I also teach a broad curriculum of Neo-Pagan subjects; and now that I'm a professional editor for a series of intermediate New Age books as well as the consultant for a New Age publishing imprint, yes, my spirituality is still central to my work. I know exactly how fortunate I am.

3. If you were in a marriage of separate faiths, how would you raise your children?

I'm not fanatical about my kids following my precise path. I'm lucky that my husband is Pagan as well, but if he wasn't, then I'd bring my kids up with thorough education regarding religions of the world, with lots of emphasis on tolerance, respect, and the understanding that all those religions are just different ways of talking to God. (All of which I happen to believe, and is precisely what my kids will be taught anyway.) If they decide to become Muslim, Buddhist, Christian, Jewish, whatever, I'll be happy that they've chosen a spirituality that they personally connect with. But they'll have done it after lots of education about the various religions of the world, and with the knowledge that everyone has the right to choose their own path. (It's the teacher in me talking. You teach comparative relgion for three years and see what happens to you.)

Catechism For A Witch's Child

(found via Margie's Brigid's Hearth: Pagan Parenting page)

- Read more of J.L. Stanley's Labyrinth Poems

Witches Weekly

Last night's barbecue reminded me that Witches Weekly asked spring-related questions which I haven't yet answered.

What do you take as the first sign of spring's arrival?

The first warm breeze; the change in the light quality; the appearance of potted hyacinths in the supermarkets, and their subsequent appearance on my mantelpiece at home. Mmm... love the smell of hyacinths.

The confirmation of spring is the first barbecue!

Do you plan to take on any new personal activities/duties this spring? If so, what?

Usually in spring I choose to drop an activity. It's part of my unofficial spring cleaning process: I clear out the stuff that doesn't benefit me any more, things I'm clinging to just because.

What's the first word that comes to mind when you hear "Spring?"

Depends on what time of year I hear it. If it's any time in winter, it's "Please." If it's mid-to late-March, it's a phrase: "Thank God." I live in Montreal, the Land of Extreme Temperatures, sub-arctic to sub-tropical. By the time spring rolls around, we're all heartily sick of winter. (And yes, the opposite is true by the end of summer.)

Teaching

Our level 3 students led a fabulous ritual yesterday, aided by four brave level 2 student. My new favourite must-have ritual tool is a shredder. (You just had to be there.)

I enjoyed the afternoon immensely. For once I wasn't stressed out about packing too much into the day, so I could relax and actually appreciate the school ritual. Before the rit, I was cornered by two of my level 3s so that they could apologise for the chaos of the oils & incense class two weeks ago. I tried to reassure them, reminded them that I was ill that weekend, pointed out that there's a reason why making oils and incenses are supposed to be held in two separate classes; but they insisted that no, the class as a whole has to remember that the teachers have a ton of information that we're trying to get across to them in a limited amount of time, and that class isn't a social event or a place to kick back and relax. By the end, they had convinced me. (They weren't going to take no as an answer anyway, so it's a good thing I agreed.)

See, I believe that class does have a social aspect to it, and that it is a time to relax a bit. However, these students do have an excellent point: there has to be a balance between the enjoyable aspect and the discipline and respect necessary to work within a time frame and with educators.

So I'm very proud of all of my students this weekend, for a variety of reasons. My Saturday class hit upon a comprimise that allowed them to participate within discussion of modern religion at last, and it was fantastic; the ritual was marvellous; and there were several private exchanges on Sunday afternoon that impressed me with how mature and determined my students are.

And after it all, I got to spend a wonderful evening with my husband's family. No one barbecues inch-thick pork chops with homemade sauce like my father-in-law!

Tarot Inspirations

I keep a Hanson-Roberts tarot deck on my desk to play with when I get stuck on something. A couple of days ago I shuffled and drew three cards: Justice, the Empress, and the Star.

They're still on my desk, because something's been niggling at me. Namely, the fact that as soon as I saw the Empress, I said, "Ooh, Brid!"

Now, Brid is usually seen as a Maiden figure. (Paradoxical association has Saint Brigit being a matron of pregnant women. Go figure.) She is associated with the first stirrings of spring, creativity, healing, and crafts, among other things. The Hanson-Roberts deck (which isn't my favourite by a long shot; it's just slightly smaller than the average tarot deck and fits my hands comfortably) portrays the Empress as a golden brown-haired woman crowned with twelve tiny flames, gowned in a dress of brown-red, white, and soft blue, sitting in a chair that has a back with a large round headrest. The blue headrest is outlined in gold, and provides a frame for her face. Traditionally the Empress indicates a woman of mid-age, and is associated with fruitfulness, family, motherhood, abundance, progress and such things.

So my immediate recognition of the Empress card as Brid stumped me for a moment. Then I looked at the card again, thought about my research, and began to understand why.

I've been doing some key research on the concept of Brid as figure of Sovereignity, a representative of the energy of the land itself. In that respect, the figure of the Empress and her associations of fertility and abundance work quite well. The tiny flames crowning her head are of course associated with Brid's fire aspect. The blues of the card call to mind Brid's water affiliation through her healing aspect. The grain growing around the Empress is not only used to feed the people of the land, but the cattle and other domestic herds who are under Brid's protection also. The round disk of the chair back brings to mind the possible solar connection Brid has, as well.

If someone had asked me to choose a Major Arcana card to represent Brid before this happened, I'd likely have chosen only the Star. I'm a writer; I tend to relate to Brid in her creative aspect first and foremost. These three cards together, though, seem to show me the three sides of Brid: the brightness of inspiration in the Star, the fertile Sovereignity aspect of the Empress, and the rulership/warrior aspect of Justice.

A good writer and researcher keeps her mind open to possibilities. And since in my world I choose to believe that there is no such thing as coincidence, and since it was the Empress card that really jumped out at me, I think I'll be following this line of Sovereignity research for a while.

The Cosmic Clue-By-Four

I woke up at five AM and finally decided to get out of bed at six. This happens every once in a while, and I usually end up getting some serious reading and note-taking done. Lately it's been to my benefit, because I've been blazing through a pile of academic Celtic Iron Age archeological and historical texts.

It took me a week or so, but I managed to find my thesis groove again. Yes: almost four years to the day after I submitted my thesis, I realised I had another academic book to write. I have a nameless customer from the bookstore to thank for this one. She came in and asked for a book on the Celtic goddess Brigid, and I had to tell her that there wasn't one.

Then I went home and was hit with a clue-by-four. I've been a priestess of Brid for seven years. I've been a teacher for almost five of those years. I've been a writer for most of my life. Why haven't I understood that this book was missing and needed to be written?

So for the past month I've been jotting down rough subject outlines, researching heavily, running out of sticky tabs, draining highlighter pens, making pages of notes, and trying to track down little-known and out-of-print books. I'd forgotten how much I love doing this.

I'm fairly certain that my increase in energy is also due to the leap in temperature, however temporary it may be. There's more light, as well, which always helps. I cannot deny, however, that at heart I'm an academic, and the idea of curling up with a pile of books, pens, paper, and a cup of tea thrills me beyond the level to which it ought to thrill me.

I'm just a witchy academic geek. So sue me.

Doing heavy magic on an

Doing heavy magic on an empty stomach is a bad idea.

However, doing heavy magic to the Matrix: Revolutions soundtrack is a good idea.

So is making scones aftwerwards. Nice and grounding -- both the making and the eating. Mmmm.

Blessed Samhain

Instead of me posting something about Samhain, I'm sending you over to Ceridwen's Cauldron to read The Difference Between Samhain and Hallowe'en. It's possibly the best article on the issue that I've ever read. No, hang that; it is the best thing I've ever read.

Go. Read.

Post-Spiritual Retreat High

Happy very first birthday to my precious little kittens, who are kittens no more. Nix and Cricket officially enter Cathood today. (Thanks to everyone who fed all our fur children over the weekend, by the way!) They grow up so fast. *sniff* Remember when they were just handfuls of fluff?

I slept over twelve hours last night. In fact, over the past five days I've spent an alarming amount of time asleep. Okay, a couple of events down south were extremely energy-draining, which might explain the need to recuperate; but I seem to be careening to insomnia's opposite extreme in general. (I oughtn't complain. Paze mentioned last night that a parent is supposed to look not at what a toddler eats in a single meal, but rather at what s/he eats in a week. Perhaps I ought to address sleeping in a similar fashion?)

Neat stuff I picked up south of the border:

- a new thermal mug in stylish black and brushed metal. I'm using it now. My tea will take hours to cool off. Muah-hah-hah.

- a beautiful pale green light wool wrap with Celtic knotwork along the edges. My husband bought it for me while I was gazing at it, all open-mouthed.

- a funky flowy dark red top with three-quarter sleeves, a wide neckline, lacing and embroidery. I love it.

- a jingly anklet. I've always wanted one of these. (Yes, this and the previous acquisition point to the bohemian Gypsy streak buried somewhere deep in my soul, which rarely comes to light.)

- my very first MagLight. Whee!

- a stunning, stunning pendant cabochon of green amber in a simple silver setting. This was a mentor-gift from the protegé assigned to me over the weekend. We do this to help new people integrate with the group, get to know people other than the ones with whom they travelled down, and to ease the culture-shock they might be feeling as a result of their first private festival. (My Tradition deliberately schedules this private event to get city-bound folk into Nature for at least four days, as well as to touch base with the physical part of the group mind and soul.) I was given this pendant by my protegé on the first day of the event and it rendered me speechless. Such an extravagant gift for someone you've only just met! But he called it a heart-gift, from his to mine, and a thanks for being part of his new experience. I'm still overwhelmed, but part of the long hard road I've been on has addressed learning to accept gifts and compliments in the spirit in which they're offered. In several ways and for several reasons this gift was appropriate, and I have no right to deny or diminish the love with which it was presented. I'd been feeling rather plain, too, since I'd left all my pendants at home, so I wore it all weekend.

- a clergy certificate. Did I mention that part yesterday? (Okay, okay, I didn't come home with it, but it's in the works. I'm proud of it. Let me be proud.)

- assorted candles, etc., as gifts.

After a day of re-adjusting at home, I find that I can't quite walk a straight line (I appear to be listing to the left), and I still seem to be missing things I reach for. Camping isn't supposed to relax you this much. I feel as if I've passed the point of relaxation and gone right to spaced out. It's not a bad spaced out, though; it's more like I'm in a mild dream state, which is infinitely preferable to the strung-out state I was in before we left. (Odd how you don't realise how tense you were until you're not any more.)

I should try to bottle this, for future pick-me-up situations.

They Will Come

Digging through my files for driving directions to our campsite in Pennsylvania (give me a break, we only do this once a year, okay?), I found two things that made me smile.

The first:

Scribbled on the manila envelope where I put last year's info (complete with all the exits leading to Friendly's restaurants) I found my Highway Haiku:

(Yeah, that last one is composed entirely of road signs. And I'd completely forgotten about the three humungous raven statues in the field just over the border, on the west side of I-81.)

The second:

A white envelope that only had my name on it. I opened it and pulled out three print-outs of submission requirements to three major publishers. On top was a sheet of paper with huge letters on it:

The sign was a colleague's gag at work a couple of years ago, when we were joking about possessed hardware after our network was set up and from the back office he could fool around with printer that sat next to my work station. But it made me smile, because I found it in with those manuscript submission guidelines.

If I make it, they will come, indeed.

Technopagans

Every once in a while, the technopagans I know joke about literally calling the quarters from circle with various hand-held communication devices. This is for them.

Restless

I've been strangely restless the past week or so, and full of contradiction: I'm tired, but I can't sleep; I don't want to be alone, but I don't want to be with people; I want to do something, but I can't settle down and concentrate on any one project.

"It's spring," people tell me, but I'm not satisfied with that.

"Maybe you feel unfulfilled because you no longer have a defined nine-to-five job," my husband suggested. That's not it either. I'm very happy to make my own hours, thanks.

Last night as I lay awake in bed, I think I might have hit on it. My spirituality is evolving again. True, spirituality is by definition an eternally changing process, as you grow and redefine your connection to the Divine. This time, though, I think my focus is shifting away from Celtic mythology where it's been firmly entrenched for the past eight years. This doesn't mean that all the work I've done so far is to be discounted; not in the least. I've grown and learned and exercised certain mental and spiritual muscles, so to speak, and I cherish every day of those eight years for the connections I've made and the knowledge I've gained, both spiritually and lore-wise. It simply means that there's another area of focus to which I now need to direct my attention. This isn't as sudden as it might seem, either; it's been nibbling at me for about five months. It's taken me that long to figure it out.

Well, I've figured out there's something I need to focus on. Now, figuring out what I'm supposed to be focusing on; that's the hard part.

Teutonic Reading List

Found completely by accident while researching ISBNs on Amazon.com: a recommended reading list for Teutonic mythology and religion entitled So You'd Like to be a Heathen Lore Whore.

This list includes the classic phrase, "A lot of people have called Heathenry "Paganism with Homework".

(If you're into Norse/Teutonic lore, this reading list kicks some serious ass, by the way.)

It just caught my eye and appealed to my whimsical love of language and the study of world religion - a Heathen Lore Whore. Not necessarily the words I would have chosen, but apt in my case nonetheless...

Beltaine

Sigh.

Yesterday morning happened to be my couple of hours in the store. It also happened to be May 1, which many Pagan-type folk know as Beltaine.

Which means that yes, the media got hold of us at the store and asked us (a) if there were any public rituals going on last night, and (b) what the staff was doing to celebrate when they got together.

Now, most Pagan-type folk still live in a world that doesn't understand why they've chosen the path they follow, and what mankind does not know it generally fears, resulting in oppression and/or ridicule. Hence most Pagan-type folk don't really bruit it about that they're Pagan-type folk. Makes work environments safer, and family gatherings less violent.

What does this have to do with it being Beltaine? Well, it means that the media is decidedly not welcome at a ritual, because you never know what sound byte/camera shot might reveal your voice or face to those watching or listening. People's lives have been ruined, jobs lost, their places in the family disowned because of this. Religion is the one undefinable thing that runs so deep that it causes brother to turn against brother and nations to go to war, all in the name of their vision of deity.

So I'm afraid I annoyed the media representatives who called by telling them that there was no ritual available from which they could gather material. I wasn't lying, either. Most rituals are going on this weekend, and they needed material right away. (Pagan-type folk are practical people. They know that people are more likely to be free on a Saturday than a Thursday night.)

The whole popular misconception that the staff of a metaphysical shop worships together is amusing too. I must perforce shatter any romantic illusions my readers might have formed and say that in reality, we work together, and that's it. I mean, really. Do you go out with your entire staff to synagogue, to church, to temple, to mosque? No, I didn't think so.

As for the whole not celebrating on the actual holiday issue, I'm used to it. My father was an airline pilot, and when I was a kid he often wasn't home on Christmas Day. No problem; we'd either celebrate early, or the first day he was home after the 25th. It's just a day, after all. The important part of it revolves around family, and being together, and sharing. Ironically enough, that's what most Pagan holidays are about too: community, being together, and marking the seasonal changes. Yes, the media representatives were miffed that no one was celebrating Beltaine on Beltaine. I'm just glad that Beltaine gets celebrated at all. In the rain, or otherwise.

Besides, I think they would have been a little taken aback to hear how I was spending Beltaine eve. Home-made chicken fajitas, a TV double-header of Buffy and Angel, a bottle of Taylor Fladgate First Estate port, a lap full of cats, and the company of my husband. Hardly the stuff of legend.

So what's Beltaine?

So what's Beltaine?

Also celebrated as May Day, this festival begins at sundown on April 30.Traditionally, couples stay out overnight “bringing in the May”, or gathering spring flowers and greenery with which to create garlands, crowns and bouquets. It is a time of joyous celebration of the fertility displayed by the land as it further opens to the touch of the sun: trees have put forth new leaves and are now flowering, the new grass is lush and thick; the days grow ever longer and the rains nourish the new crops in the fields.

By extension, Beltaine is also a sexually licentious time. It is the beginning of the season favoured for marriages and handfastings, as well as for re-enactment of the Great Rite, the union between the God and the Goddess. Much poetry and folklore exists describing the abandonment with which dancing, singing and playing leads to lovemaking. Children conceived on this might are called “children of the Gods”, and are said to be blessed.

The Maypole is perhaps the most recognisable accessory to Mayday celebration. A dancing game in which men and women interweave ribbons attached to a high pole (passing one another with plenty of kisses!), this action is another form of the Great Rite, the pole representing the God and the ribbons which slowly enfold it representing the Goddess. Other familiar concepts at Beltaine include a bonfire through which people jump and/or drive livestock for purification and luck, and the Jack-of-the-Green, a man disguised in leaves who represents the Vegetation God or the Lord of the Forest. His elected consort is the May Queen, who will be presented with garlands and floral crowns.

This festival is opposite Samhain on the Wheel of the Year, and like that Sabbat is a night of divination as the veils grow thin. The Ancient Celts recognised only two seasons, summer and winter; as Samhain was the beginning of Winter, the dark half of the year, so Beltaine recognises the beginning of Summer, or the light half of the year.

Yeah. It's all about life, the way Samhain is all about death. Two sides of the same coin, after all. It's an essential part of the never-ending cycle: life, death; light, dark; summer, winter. Neither side carries more weight; both are equally important. We honour fertility and creation, and we honour the time of fallowness and destruction as well. It's like an Oreo: it just isn't an Oreo unless it has chocolate biscuits and a white cream filling. (Okay, and a glass of milk, too, but that's beside the point.)

I can't believe I just compared basic Pagan the(a)ology to a Mr Christie cookie product. Even worse, I can't believe it made sense to me.

Oreos are very Beltaine, though, don't you think? You know - gently pull apart the layers, to get to the... never mind.

Hold Me Back

I'm collecting information on the books that are coming out within the next few months within one of my fields of specialisation, and at Amazon I made a sickening discovery.

Out of all the decent books out there on witchcraft and the occult, I am horrified -- no, that's not quite right; shocked? dismayed? spitting mad? -- that the top-selling book in that category is The Book of Shadows: The Unofficial Charmed Companion.

So help me Gods.

You know, in every interview I do, I'm asked my opinion on shows like Charmed and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. My response? "Hey, I'm a huge Buffy fan. But Willow's not Wiccan, and what she does isn't real magic." If they press me about Charmed, I usually say something about Wicca 90210 and heavily stress the 90210 part, because Charmed has even less Wicca in it than Buffy does.

These shows, and films like The Craft and Practical Magic, are double-edged blades. On one hand, they introduce a whole new crop of people to the idea that people who practice a discipline like magic aren't, by definition, automatically evil, which is great. On the other hand, they're an incredibly inaccurate portrayal of the path. Wicca's about spirituality and responsibility, not spells, demons, and warlocks (don't even get me started on that inaccuracy).

This is why I still do interviews with students, for newspapers and on radio, and why I continually write articles. I'm trying to raise the general level of awareness out there. And most of the time, people walk away with a better idea of what it's all about. Sometimes, though, you just can't get through to them, and they walk away determined to find "a real witch" who will teach them how to change their hair colour without the aid of L'Oreal.

It's not easy. I've chosen to teach and educate on this path, though, and if this is how I'm being called to serve, then this is what I'll keep on doing. However, if you ever feel inspired to do a bit of reading on Wicca, please, please ignore the sales ranks at Amazon. Read anything by Doreen Valiente, and Vivianne Crowley, and Gerald Gardner. Or read something like Essential Wicca by Paul Tuitlean and Estelle Daniels, or Scott Cunningham's Wicca- A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner. But for the sake of all that's intelligent, stay away from books that purport to be about spirituality and use pop TV shows as source material.

My skin feels all crawly. I'm going to go make more tea.

Imbolc Interview

We must be coming up to a major Neo-Pagan festival - I'm on the radio again.

Yep. Going in to the CBC tomorrow to tape an interview about Imbolc, or Candlemas, or Chandeleur, or Brighnassadh, or Feast of Saint Brighid, or whatever you want to call it.

Now, it's been a year since I've done an interview about my spiritual practices. You can actually dig back through the archives and read my rant about the disrespect shown to me by the last jerk who interviewed me. I did plenty of pre-interview work with the producer this time, and at one point I must have hesitated a bit too long, because she asked about my comfort level using certain words. I admitted to her that my last interview experience regarding the general topic had taught me a severe lesson and made me a bit interview-shy, and she's assured me that nothing of the sort will happen this time. She was quite horrified at the level of immaturity displayed by the man who put me through that mockery of an interview last February, and offered her sympathy, although she didn't sound surprised. Sensational journalism attracts listerners, after all, the same way sensational journalism sells newspapers. In general, though, I have a very good feeling about this interview tomorrow morning. Mind you, forty-five minutes of the producer doing pre-interview research did a lot to put my mind at ease, and I've never had a bad interview with the CBC, in all the years I've interviewed with them. I'm always treated courteously and with respect. Mind you, I thought the same about CJAD up until last year too.

No, this will be fine. Besides, this time I know to terminate the interview if it goes in a bad direction. We're taping, after all.

Barring major disasters, it looks like it will air Sunday morning on CBC Radio 1, which in Montreal is 88.5 FM.

Too Much to Ask?

I'm only human. Which means that I like to be recognised for my work, like everyone else. I particularly like to be recognised for the work I do voluntarily, since it's a gift and I'm not expecting anything in return.

Two and a half years ago when Ceri and I and a couple of others got together to create the Montreal Pagan Resource Center, for example, we were aiming to create something for everyone in the city to use as a resource, Pagan or not. It was to be a place where people could go to do research, to ask questions, and to talk to others in a safe environment in an effort to share information about all sorts of religions. Eventually Ceri, and then I as well, gave up in frustration on the project. It wasn't worth the crap and resentment that the local Pagan community was throwing at us; not when we were volunteering so much time, energy and effort.

Why are voluntary leaders always unappreciated? Why is it that as soon as someone is paid for their work, it becomes "legitimate" in some way?

Patricia Telesco has written an interesting article that examines the concept of give and take in a spiritual community. One paragraph in particular caught my attention, and it begins with:

Scanning our rather dysfunctional family there has been great growth, but it has also come at a great price. We do not really honor our priests, our elders, our teachers -- for the most part I see these people burning out because everyone takes, and few give back.

I know exactly what she means. And unfortunately, it brought up all my old frustration with the local Pagan community again.

Oh, the MPRC is still around. Half of its founding members have washed their hands of the project, though, burnt out, frustrated.

As a teacher, like it or not, I'm a leader. I know that at some point I'll have to get involved in the community again. I'm not looking forward to it at all; my experiences with it over the past seven years have been 90% negative. Not much of an incentive to return, is it. Every once in a while I think I can make a difference, help create an environment where we can all support and learn from each other, and then I look at the notoriously apathetic local community's history, and their brick walls that I've run into in the past. How many times must I do it before either I or the community learns the lesson?

It's like a playground: everyone has to co-operate. It just gets so damned frustrating when some of us try and try, and eventually give up... only to hear the community complain about the lack of leadership. The hypocrisy chokes me.

And people wonder why I keep to myself.

Winter Solstice

December 20, 2002
Sunrise: 7:31 morn
Sunset: 4:13 eve

Hours of daylight: 8 h 41 min

It’s the day before the Winter Solstice. This means that it’s the shortest day of the year.

In a few minutes, the sun will officially set, and the longest night of the year will begin.

I have had an absolutely horrible December. This past couple of years has been bad, but this month in particular seems to out-bad them all. The phrase, “it’s darkest just before dawn” is something that I always associate with the night before the Winter Solstice, and this year in particular, I’m clinging to the idea that the longest night will give way to the sunrise, and as the days get longer and the sun gains strength once more, my life will turn around, and things will get better.

As 4:13 PM hits, I’ll turn off all the lights in the house, and light the candles in my Yule log on the mantelpiece, and by that light I will think about darkness, and what it means to me. When I go to bed tonight, I’ll transfer those flames to my wind lantern, which will burn on my altar all night. Tomorrow, before dawn, I will carry that lantern to a hill in the dark, and I will watch the sun rise over Montreal. I will greet it with quiet joy, and love, and the knowledge that darkness will always be balanced by light, in a never-ending cycle of give and take.

December 21, 2002
Sunrise: 7:31 morn
Sunset: 4:14 eve

Hours of daylight: 8h 43 min

Let the Wheel turn once again; let hope be reborn with the Sun.

Public Rituals

The Montreal Pagan community is an odd beast. It eats its young, and displays apathy in most respects except griping and back-biting and, well, being apathetic. Coming into the community at a time where knives were still being sharpened, grudges were being held, and politics were raging, I decided I wanted nothing to do with it and stayed a solitary practitioner until such time as I slowly started to talk to others of like mind, and then, well, it was teaching and working in the local esoteric shop, and opening Canada's first drop-in Pagan resource centre, teaching, doing interviews on radio and with journalists, more teaching... and somehow, like it or not, I was a public figure, although not of the community. Like others who had no time or patience for histrionics and back-stabbing, I shared with personal friends and kept myself to myself. I dipped a toe into the community with the resource centre, but the commnity bit back so savagely that I withdrew. When generousity of energy and effort is rebuffed so often, you learn your lesson. (Fortunately, the centre still functions, due to the enthusiasm of several volunteers, whom I pray do not burn out community-wise, as I did.) So I kept myself to myself.

Until yesterday.

Yesterday was one of those odd coincidences that you can't wriggle out of. I make it a point to tell as many people as I can about the city's public rituals so they can get an idea of a variety of traditions and meet other people involved in this path. So when I told my students two weeks ago, they became quite excited, until we realised that our weekly class would overlap with the ritual. "Oh, well," I said, "never mind. Sorry."

And then one of them said, "Well, couldn't we all go together? Like a field trip? We can come to class an hour early, and finish an hour early so we could go."

"Yes, yes!" the others cried, excited. "We've never been to a ritual!"

Uh-oh. These men and women were now looking to me, their teacher, to lead them into a public ritual and share the experience.

Gulp.

I've led many a ritual, public, private, you name it. I've attended many aritual, here, elsewhere. I teach a Designing Rituals class. The irony of it is that I've never actually attended a specific Montreal Pagan community open public ritual.

So off we went yesterday, the first time for everyone. And it was a wonderful experience. I was unaware, and subsequently delighted to discover, that one of my past students was playing a key part in the ritual (her first such performance), and I was bursting with pride for her. My current students were nervous, but they enjoyed themselves immensely - so much, in fact, that I think we'll start making this a regular outing.

I must also extend a huge thank-you to the core people who were involved in producing yesterday's ritual, especially my personal friends. Your efforts were truly appreciated. So was the welcoming attitude displayed by those same people who had been in the community way back when I first sent out tentative feelers, about seven years ago. They recognised me, and they welcomed me. I'm not quite sure what I expected; after rebuff and nasty comments in general from the community for the projects I was involved in, I was a bit timid. All fears have been allayed, now, however.

So you see, yesterday was quite the series of achievements.

And then I wrote a few NaNoWriMo pages, and we had dinner, and we watched some old Muppet Show episodes, and we went to another Hallowe'en party. So all in all, it was a pretty amazing day. Except for the fact that Buffy was a repeat already, alas...

End of the Witch-Year

Well, it's the big day itself. End of the witch-year.

See, the ancient Celts only recognised two seasons, Summer and Winter. Winter begins at sundown on October 31st. Summer begins at sundown on April 30th. This is why Hallowe'en - or Samhain - is a big thing in Pagan paths associated in any way with British tradition. (The other festival is Beltaine, or May Day, and it's the other really big one - Maypoles, flowers, up before dawn, all that kind of thing. Samhain's about death; Beltaine's about life. Two essential sides of the coin. Enough about Belatine, we'll talk about that in six months.)

As I have done previously, here's my article on what Samhain's all about. (I'm a writer and an educator, of course I have articles on these things.) I meant to post the articles for each Sabbat - there's eight in all - as the days arrived, but with one thing and another, well, life gets in the way. Samhain's about clearing out the deadwood in your life and letting old things go, so maybe after this weekend I'll be a little more focused. Who knows?

Anywhats. Article ho!

Samhain, also called Hallowe'en, All Soul's Day, and Saveen, is celebrated on October 31, although the precise date varies year to year; in actuality Samhian arrives when the Sun reaches 15 degrees into Scorpio, which this year lands on November 8th. This festival is the end of what is called the modern Wheel of the Year. As the seasonal year is a circular cycle, this festival is also the beginning, as all ends hold within them the promise of a new birth.

Samhain is a festival which honours the dead. There is great emphasis placed on history and tradition in modern Paganism, and the ritual recognition of ancestors at Samhain is of great importance. As at Beltaine on the first of May, the veils between the worlds thin, which is to say that the otherworld or spirit realm seems much closer to us, allowing us to communicate with those beyond the veil, by offering them heartfelt good wishes and love.

However, Samhain is not a time to fool around with spirit boards, or to go roaming through cemeteries. Rather, it is a festival which allows us to examine our lives and say goodbye to those projects and people who are no longer with us for whatever reason, allowing them (and ourselves) to truly move on as we relinquish whatever grip we held upon them for various reasons - out of love, fear, or anger, for example. In the mythological cycle surrounding the Wheel of the Year, this is the time when the God descends to the Underworld, having been sacrificed along with the grain of the crops. The Goddess is in her Crone aspect, the Veiled Lady who gathers the dead to her bosom, She who holds the scythe and the knife.

Seasonally, this festival marked the beginning of Winter for the ancient Celts, who recognised only two seasons (Summer, of course, begins on Beltane). It is the third and final harvest festival, and marks the time of quiet and reflection that will occupy our minds and hearts until Yule, or Midwinter, when the God will once again be reborn, the Sun will begin to strengthen once more, and we will begin to plan our coming seasons.

Samhain is a festival that our modern society has truly grasped and brought into the mainstream. Dressing up in costume echoes folk practice of disguising children so that malicious spirits will be fooled into thinking they too are abroad to create mischief among men. Carving jack o'lanterns descends from either the practice of keeping a lantern in the window to guide the spirits of ancestors back to the bosom of their family for the night, or the practice of creating glowing maleficent faces to convince the evil spirits that the house had already been targeted by one of their brethren.

As this Sabbat revolves around ancestors, it is a festival that usually involves much storytelling. Some families perform a Dumb Supper: they lay a place at the table for those who have passed over, and serve them a portion of their meal. The meal is eaten in silence, allowing each family member to receive whatever impressions or message from the other side that the ancestors wish to communicate.

Main Samhain Concepts: the final harvest; altar decorations of apples; cauldron used as symbol of rebirth and transformation; honouring ancestors; night of divination; recognition of the essential presence of death within the life cycle.

A blessed Samhain from everyone at the Owlyblog!

Spiritual Retreat

I’m back! Why do camping trips always seem like something you need a vacation to recuperate from?

We were one hundred and seventy eight Pagans, in a group campsite that had a couple of Boy Scout troops at the end. We all had coven banners up with animals on them by our campsites; by the end of their stay, they had marked “Lewisberry Coven” under their troop number on their site signs. It was so darned cute. Apparently we weren't all that bad: when at the end of our main ritual we gave a wolf howl, they howled back (as Scouts are taught to do!). At the end of the weekend, though, their sites had been taken by a Baptist group. When one of the Pennsylvania people had to fetch something as we were packing up, she moaned, “Please don’t make me go past the Baptists – they’re singing, and playing the flute”. The contrast was hilarious.

Something I discovered: my stomach doesn’t like American food. I think it has something to do with the water. One of my fellow Canadian campers also pointed out that the US has different food regulations, so even if it’s the same brand of something I consume with no difficulty in Canada, the US equivalent might have different ingredients.

Their roads are so good! Smooth, well-marked (except for the construction, and the very sudden exits off a 65 mph highway onto a hairpin 35 mph exit ramp), and the two directions are separated for the most part, so you aren’t staring into the headlights of oncoming highway traffic. We drove the I-81 and the I-83 down through New York and Pennsylvania; I don’t know if other interstates are comparable or not. Driving home, in fact, I was inspired by the helpful and repetitive signs to create a little bit of Highway Haiku:

My husband and I had the honour to stand as temple summoners/wedding guards/quarter officers at a marriage (no, we had no idea – we would have brought nicer clothes if we’d had any inkling!). This was an on-site request from the High Priestess and Clan Mother, who had never seen us in ritual before and could have been inviting disaster; as it was, we rose to her trust and the occasion. We ended up being honoured quite unexpectedly for it later on in the day, thereby yet again proving the “what you do returns to you” concept quite nicely to our minds. So, to Tracy and Ken, congratulations! It was an honour to stand at your backs.

We were welcomed at every turn. It was a group of balanced, strong (in more than one sense of the word), happy, secure, and relaxed people, all which was a nice change from the Pagan community in Montreal. No one was snippy, no one was criticising; the internal politics were straightforward and dealt with on a level that I wish all groups could operate on, Pagan or otherwise. It never degenerated into a happy-clappy hugfest; sure, things got teary at times, but they were tears from being moved at the knowledge that these people would stand behind you no matter what, whether you’d been a member of the Tradition for ten years or ten days. This unity is unique in a Tradition: generally groups hive off and sever contact from a mother group. My Tradition reunites yearly, re-affirming strength, maintaining continuity, and creating a sense of family. I am honoured to have been chosen to be part of it, and to have grown as much as I have within its context. My spiritual path, although I don’t talk about it much, is of great importance to me as I move through the challenges life presents: it is strength; it is celebration; it is balance; and it is joy. And now, it has been proven to me that it is family, as well.

Local Man Voted May King 2002!

Congratulations to Hobbes, King of May 2002!

A native of Montreal has been declared Mr. Pagan International! Hobbes, local “writer, storyteller, actor, charmer-extraordinaire” (as well as an MPRC volunteer) has been declared King of May 2002 by the votes of hundreds of Pagans worldwide. We at Owls' Court (well, that would be me and Maggie-cat on my lap) wish to extend our heartfelt best wishes to the newly crowned King of the May, and hope that his reign brings abundance, honour and inspiration to our community. We are blessed by his friendship.

To see the photos of King Hobbes and the King’s Merry Men (as well as a link to the May Queen and her Handmaidens), just go to the Mr Pagan International site.

For personal commentary from the King, check out his web journal.

Gods bless the King!

The Lusty Month of May

Tra-la! 'Tis the merry month of May! May Day, Beltaine, Walpurgisnacht (although that was technically last night)...

What the heck am I talking about? Here's my very brief article introducing Beltaine that I wrote as part of a full set of modern Pagan celebrations and their histories. Now you can impress your friends with esoteric knowledge over lunch!

Beltaine

Beltaine is also called Walpurgisnacht in Germany. Foods associated with Beltaine include anything dairy, as the livestock is now feeding on new grass which improves the quality of milk and cream; mead and other alcoholic beverages.

Light Tea-Time Topics

I just had a lovely little visit with Ceri. Ceri has just returned from a somewhat unexpectedly rocky week in Halifax visiting family. We talked about light tea-time topics, like the afterlife, reconciling other afterlives with what we believe, honouring other spiritual paths, the inability of the Montreal Pagan community to exist peacefully, and how much we were both looking forward to leaving it. (The Pagan community, not Montreal.) Actually, that last bit was mostly me. Ceri's already stepped away from her public position and is rather pleased with herself. I'm just itching to follow, because I'm tired of the stupidity. Alone, people are fine. As soon as they assemble in a group (or if they're alone, they read a single book and decide they're an expert), the I.Q. drops. I'm tired of responding to community requests for help, then dealing with the criticism I get for doing it. Do people actually want help, or not?

I shouldn't get irritated. I know that if I and my projects didn't exist, they'd all just be sniping about someone and/or something else. I should probably be proud that I and the things I'm involved in are making as much of an impact as we are, so that they feel the need to snipe.

It's just so... infuriating. Makes you want to hand the whole ball o'wax over and say, "Oh yeah? Then you do it."

You Know You're Pagan When

Speaking of Ostara...

You know you're Pagan when you're standing in line at the grocery store, looking at all the pastel baskets and bunnies and eggs and chocolate, and you think, "Why haven't they taken their decorations down yet? It was over three days ago!"

Sigh.