An obstacle facing many practitioners of a neo-Pagan path is the decision whether to practice alone, or with others.

Many people labour under the misunderstanding that one must practice with others in order to validate their choice of spirituality. Nothing is further from the truth. In a neo-Pagan setting, your actions and intentions count for more than "if you're doing it right". Unlike organised religions, there are no parishes, no congregations to which you must present yourself.

One of the most liberating traits of neo-Paganism - and one of the most bewildering - is that there is no way of doing it right. This also means that there's no way to do it wrong, either. Something you'll hear repeated frequently is that "there is no one, true way", and this applies to how you worship just as much as the spiritual path which you've chosen to follow.

What exactly does this mean?

On Your Own: Doing it Solo

These days, the majority of people come to this path by finding a book and reading it, then reading another book, and then another. Eventually you're curious enough to try a ritual or two from these books. If you've found this on your own, then chances are good you're doing your reading, thinking, and rituals alone as well.

Since the most important part of a neo-Pagan path is your relationship with the Divine, you're doing nothing wrong by working alone. After all, it all comes down to you and Them. Besides, most of us feel a bit awkward when we start out, and are just as happy to practice on our own so no one will see our fumbling attempts at honouring the gods. Eventually, though, you become confident at ritual, and you're comfortable in worship, however you may have chosen to do it.

Working alone means that you have the freedom to do whatever you like. You can add things, rewrite rituals, ad lib, do ritual in the middle of the night, at dawn, or on the spur of the moment. You're the director of your own worship service, and the producer, and the lead actor as well. You can choose the deities you'd like to work with, try new techniques, play to your strengths and work on your weaknesses.

At some point, however, pretty much every solitary practitioner wonders what it would be like to be in a ritual with other people. In fact, some solitaries firmly believe that the only way they can be considered "real Pagans" is to join an established group - a hearth, a coven, a temple, whatever their path might be, and seeking a group to belong to becomes an all-consuming need.

Of course, the myth of "it's better with others" is utterly false. The only validation you require comes from the Divine.

What about working with groups, though? What's different?

Other People: The Group Environment

The first problem encountered in searching for a group to practice with is locating it in the first place! By their very nature, most neo-Pagans are close-mouthed about their beliefs due to the centuries of misunderstanding surrounding the whole Pagan/Heathen practice. Locating a group, let alone a group willing to try out a new member, is guaranteed to be one of the most frustrating experiences of your life. There's a saying that when the time is right, things will come together; while that's a lovely sentiment, it's still annoying to be in the position of feeling like you're ready to try this out and not having anywhere to experiment. Try your local esoteric or New Age shops; they might have postings on a bulletin board. Perhaps there are discussion groups. Check listings in the back of Pagan publications and magazines. You never know what you'll find.

Working with others is a whole different dynamic. Whereas you know your energy, and exactly when to start/finish/stand up/lift your arms/speak out, it can be a bit harder to co-ordinate with a group. Not to mention there's that whole "What do you want to do?" "I don't know, what do you want to do?" problem that can arise. A group of people is automatically a democracy of sorts. This means that not everyone will be happy one hundred percent of the time. Scheduling can become a problem, as can personality conflicts. On the other hand, if you find the right bunch of people (and that's a really big "if"), ritual can be a powerful experience - not an experience that diminishes your solitary practice in any way - a different variety of experience. Harmony of minds, energy, and hearts can be very moving. A group can also serve as support, and an information source for research. A good group will be balanced in power (administrative and otherwise!), and will be either egalitarian or led by one or two very capable individuals who do not abuse their positions. A group should offer a healthy environment for personal growth and development. In addition, there's something called "the group mind" that emerges. Whereas each person has their own identity and energy, a group of people has its own "identity" and energy as well that develops through close work. The health and growth of that group mind ought to be just as important as your own growth.

More does not necessarily mean better in a ritual. You might think that more energy being focused on your goal is automatically more powerful than the energy you can raise on your own, but that's a misconception. When you're working alone, you have a clear image of your goal in mind. Trying to get several people visualising the exact same thing is a major challenge.

One area where a group is almost completely necessary is if you choose to follow a particular tradition within your stream of neo-Paganism. For example, if you seek to become a Gardnerian Wiccan, you'll need to find a coven of Gardnerians who are willing to take you in, because they're the only ones who will be able to pass the protected, private Gardernian lore to you. If a particular tradition isn't important to you, then you'll likely end up with an eclectic group of practitioners who bring a variety of experiences and beliefs to their practice.

The Happy Medium?

What a lot of people opt for is a combination of the two paths. They practice solo most of the time, and gather together with others for special occasions or for major workings. For example, many cities offer public rituals for either moons or sabbats. Solitaries and groups alike attend these rituals, looking for community, to meet new people, to share time and space with others of like mind.

Some people choose to worship on their own, but join a study group or a discussion group to supplement their practice. This is a common compromise. A study group offers the acquisition of new knowledge, the input of others, and doesn't require the extremely personal unveiling of your solitary beliefs held close to your heart. Many yearn for community, but are reluctant to reveal their practices. There's nothing wrong with that.

Others find people of like mind at a public event, be it at a lecture, a workshop, a class, or a public ritual, and agree to try out a private ritual or two together. Sometimes this can grow into an established group. Sometimes it's a one-shot thing, or a very infrequent gathering that happens when someone calls it. Go with the flow. If you'd like to participate in a group ritual but don't want to commit to one organised group, why not offer to lead a public ritual or two? You can use your own ritual format that you're comfortable with, or write new ones. Ask people you've met to help out by taking some of the parts. Get a feel for what it's like to work in a group environment by being a member of an organising committee for a neo-Pagan event, or a charity association. After all, worshipping in ritual isn't the only accepted way of serving the gods.

The gods don't require that you join a group in order to define yourself as a real witch, a real heathen, or a real whatever-you-are. The gods don't require that you shut yourself away from society, either. Working on your own isn't wrong; being a member of a group is not essential to worship the gods. If you're curious, though, satisfy your curiosity by taking advantage of the opportunities which present themselves to you. And if they don't, create your own opportunities!

(c)A. Murphy-Hiscock. Originally published on the PaganUniverse website, in June 2003.